Lucky Number Seven
by mjoyc
Summary: Even after his death Red John keeps wreaking havoc in Jane's life. An unexpected 'gift' from him cracks the already unstable relationship between Jane and Lisbon, Jane finds himself torn between wanting to reconcile with the most important person in his life and not wanting to be a part in her unborn baby's life.
1. Chapter 1

"No." Lisbon said, eyes closed, shaking her head. "No, no, no. The hospital? Really?"

Jane chuckled from the plastic chair beside her bed. "Sorry, but it was non-negotiable."

She huffed and turned on her side facing away from him pouting like a child. They had been growing apart lately, not working together as much, not spending time together outside of work. The banter was mostly gone and, even though neither was going to admit it, they both missed it. She turned. "I'm okay. I swear. Can you get me out?"

He gave her a smile, a sad smile, and took her hand. "I'm worried. Really worried, you fainted twice today Lisbon. The doctor ordered some tests and Abbott doesn't want you in the office until tomorrow, so you" he pushed lightly on her shoulders until they were both on the mattress. "might as well stay here, rest and realx for once."

"I don't need to rest Jane, I have work to do. Please" she whipped out her best puppy dog eyes. "flirt with a nurse and get me out. I don't even know why they admitted me without my permission."

Jane shook his head at his friend's stubbornness. "You know fully well they don't need your permission to keep you here, but" he shrugged his shoulders and gave her a disapproving look. "you can't leave whenever you want, against medical advice, that is."

Lisbon threw her head back into the stuffy pillow and blew out a breath. "I'm sorry I'm being… difficult, I really don't like hospitals or doctors or-"

"I know grumpy." He smiled and squeezed her hand to make sure she knew he was there for her, but also to protect himself, knowing her the way he did, or had, he was almost positive she'd try to reach out and smack him.

She smiled, grateful that he was there for her, she'd really, really missed him and knew, deep down, it was more her doing than anything he'd done that'd kept them apart. She squeezed his hand back and made sure to have his full attention. "Look I'm sorry. About everything. I didn't mean to shut you out of my life." She was feeling really emotional and knew the burning sensation in her eyes meant she was about to cry. She hastily wiped her eyes before any of the tears could fall.

"Hey," he whispered catching her wrists, gently laying her hands in her lap and wiping the reminder of her tears with his thumbs. "don't. I understand. I do."

"No, I- you're my best friend, I should have never taken you for granted the way I did. I thought it was for the best, that we would move on. For once it's me in the wrong." She caught both of his hands in hers and gave him a shaky smile.

"Oh, so I'm the one screwing up usually, uh?" he chuckled and gave her a little shove. He got a big smile for that. "Of course Saint Teresa doesn't ever do anything wrong, does she?"

Smack. There it was, her hand against his chest. "You jerk. I was being serious."

"I know, don't worry. All's forgiven." He gave her his mega-watt smile, which lasted only a few seconds, because he remembered something. "By the way I called Pike, he said he would get here as soon as he could."

Her head spun so fast toward him, it might as well have detached from the rest of her body. "You called Marcus?"

"Don't say it like that! You're not fine, despite what you keep telling yourself and I thought he needed to know. I thought you might have wanted him here-"

"No. I mean yes, but it's just not something I thought you would do."

"Well you can wipe that surprised look off your face, Lisbon, I'm not, ever, predictable. I love to surprise." He smiled and shook his head smugly.

"Like I am, you mean?" she scoffed.

Jane then flat laughed and felt at ease, completely comfortable with her, just like he used. It was a feeling he'd bitterly missed. Right in that moment though they were interrupted by the doctor. "Hi. I'm Doctor Ross, I have your test results Agent Lisbon." He then turned to look at Jane and then shot her a questioning look.

"It's okay, he can stay." She suddenly found Jane's hand in hers, she had no idea how it got there, but nonetheless gave it a squeeze. She was nervous. She couldn't admit it, partly because she never got sick and it scared her that now something might be wrong with her, but also because a part of her was genuinely convinced there was nothing wrong, just stress and exhaustion catching up with her. The doctor gave a brief nod.

"Very well then, first of all in case you're nervous nothing is wrong with you, you are mostly healthy."

Lisbon frowned. "Why keep me here then? If I'm fine, there's no reason-"

"I was getting to that." He said patiently. "You are pregnant. That's why you fainted. Judging by your blood tests you didn't know because you are anemic and dehydrated, which coupled with a very low blood pressure make you dizzy, which could lead to fainting."

She couldn't be. She could, but it was so unlikely it might as well have been impossible. Her heart was thumping in her ears and she missed half of what the doctor said and frankly she wasn't going to get him to repeat any of that. She didn't know what to say, what to think and she sure couldn't turn around to look at Jane in the eyes. He didn't hate Marcus, he didn't even dislike him, he'd just made absolutely no effort to even get to know him and understandably so. At least she was glad he hadn't, firstly she hadn't wanted Jane to screw things up for her and Marcus and secondly she knew it would be awkward, she and Jane were really close, much closer than she was with Pike and still he got to see and enjoy a side of her Jane never could. She was glad they hadn't gotten to know each other, she couldn't have imagined them watching baseball or doing magic tricks together, she didn't want to mix them up. So finding out she was pregnant in front of Jane was definitely something she hadn't been prepared for, especially because she wasn't really ready to be pregnant at all. "I-uh, are you sure?" She shook her head. "I can't."

The doctor wore a serious frown on his face, a hint of curiosity so small, only Jane caught it. Doctors and medical mysteries, he shook his head amused. "What do you mean you can't?"

"I'm on the pill. I can't-"

"And you used protection?"

Lisbon nodded vigorously, almost hoping this could change the outcome of the test. "Always."

Jane felt the sudden urge to run from the room covering his ears, of all the things he hadn't wanted to know about Lisbon and Pike's relationship that was number one without a doubt. The man was good for her and she deserved that, stability, security, control, being at the center of someone's universe. He wanted that for her, especially because there was no way he could offer her any of those things, no matter how much he might have wanted to, so he wasn't interfering, he wasn't by any means supportive, but kept a neutral position. Never he would have imagined he'd lose her as a friend as well and that, he really couldn't deal with. Still he'd said nothing sure that if he'd said something she might have misunderstood and deepened the crack in their friendship. He was currently standing between a rock and a hard place, he was losing her and he wasn't saying anything and he was afraid that anything he said she would take as his way to break her and Pike up and, frankly, he couldn't blame her, he certainly wasn't the picture of honesty and was secretive, manipulative and had a way of always getting what he wanted, but he'd realized a long time before Pike that if he couldn't have her he should let somebody else have that chance.

"You know," the doctor started, his tone a smidge too condescending for Jane's liking. "Nothing is completely, a hundred percent effective, there's always that chance and seems like you won the one in a million shot."

Lisbon nodded bitterly. "Great, just great."

"I take it this wasn't planned?"

"You could say that."

The doctor nodded and turned to leave. "Another doctor will be coming soon for an ultrasound."

Lisbon nodded and when the door of her room closed she didn't know how she was going to avoid Jane's eyes now that they were alone, he would know everything he needed to just by taking a good look at her. "Jane," she started barely above a whisper, hands still grasping the turquoise blanket, eyes fixated on the bar code on her hospital bracelet.

"Shh." His hand was then on his shoulder holding her firmly. He knew she was shaking and all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and comfort her and tell her that everything was going to work out just fine, something he rarely believed in, but that could very well be the truth right now. He stroked her arm and held her chin up gently with his other hand. Once he could look at her in the eyes he smiled, his loving reassuring smile, the one his daughter used to have and on special occasions his wife. "I'm happy for you," She nodded and let the tears finally fall down her cheeks. "and I'm always here for you, you know that right?"

She nodded again and leant in his embrace. She let her head on his shoulder and wrapped her IV free hand around his back holding tight even for just a second. "I'll go. Pike is right out in the hall, he'll be in in a second." That being said he stood and left not looking back once, he met Pike right outside the room, he'd heard correctly and recognized his voice. Not saying anything he gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and left before he couldn't hold it all together anymore.

* * *

_Ever since he'd managed to bring the suspect list down to seven names his mind had been in overdrive, he found he often forgot to eat, sleep and he overall lived in a timeless haze driven by the search for Red John. Whenever he allowed himself a minute to recoup he'd realize how he was being selfish and manipulative towards the people he not only cared about, but the very same people who were helping him fulfill his ultimate life goal. In particular he was taking for granted Lisbon and all of her worry. She was never intentionally hovering and he knew for a fact it was taking some serious effort on her part not to follow him around all the time and mothering him, but still made sure he was as okay as the situation would allow. He appreciated how much she cared about him and he knew since the day they met she'd slowly given up on her own life for him, she'd given up on furthering her career, on meeting someone, having a family, all things he knew she wanted and dreamed about ever since graduating from the academy._

_He should have expected it, but when his Grace and Rigsby had gotten married, somewhat out of the blue, he'd still been surprised. In fact it was the last thing he had imagined that would happen given how close they were to Red John. And then he realized how, despite his better judgment, he'd ignored his same advice to be alone, not to care, not to let anyone close to him, that was why he was so bothered. Partly it was the obvious insistence of Lisbon and sometimes Van Pelt that'd ruined his plans, but also the fact that he craved human contact and found comfort in knowing someone cared for him. Naturally it didn't go both ways as he had tried and tried over the years to distance himself from his team, to not have any more ties with them, trying, and failing, to make sure the smiley red targets on their back didn't get any bigger. He'd wanted them to ignore him and let him be when he hadn't, enjoying the feeling of having a family again, a dysfunctional one, but still one at that. So now that they were close, now that Red John had started this new contorted game killing people from his list, slimming it down, getting married didn't seem like the smartest move. He was undeniably happy for them, but it also scared the hell out of him. The target on Lisbon's back wasn't just the biggest of them all, but it was equipped with an annoyingly obvious blinking neon sign and he'd made peace with that, but it was one. He could deal with protecting one person; a little voice in the back of his head reminded him she didn't need protection, right before smacking his shoulder. He'd wanted to shake some sense into them knowing how devastating it could be to lose what he had, he wasn't trained to fight or shoot, the very few times he'd shot a gun had been out of necessity._

_He'd been staring at one of the cracks on the floor for a while, lost in some very deep thoughts, not noticing someone close to him until he felt a very gentle tap on his shoulder._

"_Jane."_

_He looked up to see Van Pelt looking a mixture of upset and sad and, if his mind wasn't tricking him, a little scared. He'd relaxed when he'd seen on her face it wasn't about Red John, lately every time someone came to him it was about him. "Grace." He smiled hoping to comfort her some. "What's the matter?"_

"_I-uh, I need to talk to you," she said in a breath. "somewhere, uh, s-somewhere private."_

_Once in one of the empty conference rooms they took a seat facing each other and Jane waited patiently for the redhead to start talking._

"_I want you to know that when I joined the unit I thought I'd witness the moment we caught Red John." She swallowed thickly, wringing her hands in her lap. "It was ambition at first, but as we grew close I felt like, being your friend, I sort of shared your quest for revenge and, after I shot Craig, I started seeking revenge myself. The truth is it became a very important part of my life, not just my work life, but my life altogether. But somehow I moved on and I am married now and going after a serial killer is not what I want most anymore."_

_Jane looked at her waiting for her to go on. He realized as she spoke he hadn't been as observing as he'd used to be, he was neglecting his teammates even in his usual passive, detached way. When he saw she wasn't going to continue, but was waiting to hear what he thought about it, he gave her a smile, not forced so much as half fake these days. "I understand. Never for one second think I would hold it against you if you wanted to back out. It's dangerous and spare all that cop talk about how you were trained for it. No one is trained to go after a psychopath for a decade."_

"_No Jane, it's not that. I'm not scared of Red John, I never was, not any more than the rest of us, but I can't only think about myself anymore, I-"_

_His smile, the look of realization on his face effectively stopped her rambling. "Grace," he squeezed her hand softly. "starting a family is a beautiful thing and you shouldn't let stand in your way, I mean it." His own family, the one he'd lost, popped up into his mind, and his eyes watered ever so slightly, his biofeedback tricks failing him just enough. "Where's Rigsby?"_

"_Uh?"_

"_Well I believe congratulations are in order." He smiled standing up, prompting her to do the same and pulling her into a tight hug. "I'm proud of you Grace."_

_She nodded against his shoulder._

_He knew well enough she was crying, even before he felt her tears on his neck and her whole body shaking a bit. He rubbed a hand on her back soothing her. "You are making the right decision." He pulled back just enough to be able to look at her in the eyes. "Never for one second think I might resent you for putting your family first."_

_Rigsby entered the room then and gaped a little at the two hugging. "Sorry, I couldn't find you, I-"_

_He couldn't think then. Not when Rigsby, who'd just come from Lisbon's office, told him they were leaving right there and then for who knows how long. At least until Red John was dead, or behind bars depending on who'd get to him first. _

_Dead. _

_Lisbon had changed her mind, or, as he liked to think, he'd made her see just why arresting him wouldn't effectively stop him. He felt a mixture of jealousy and relief well inside of him as he watched the couple get into the elevator, out of the corner of his eye he'd seen Lisbon stand a couple feet behind him, his fake psychic senses telling him she was trying her hardest not to touch him or ask him if he was okay. The tall agent hadn't known what to say to him. He was loyal and had always admired him despite everything, whereas Cho had grown very disillusioned since the beginning, Rigsby still beamed at his magic tricks like a little kid. It felt somewhat unreal to see them go knowing they wouldn't be in the office tomorrow, after all they'd worked together for so long and he couldn't help but think that against all odds they'd made it, past the fear and the limits of their job and were now building their own family. He was proud of them for putting their family first at least it felt like someone was learning from his mistakes._

"_Makes you think, doesn't it?"_

_He jumped slightly and turned around, he hadn't noticed she'd been standing right behind him while he was still so engrossed in his thoughts. "What?"_

_Lisbon tilted her head to the side, smiling almost wistfully, they'd obviously been thinking similar thoughts. "It's just… I mean, when Grace told me she was pregnant I…" _

_Jane turned around and gave her a playful smile, he so wasn't in the mood for deep conversation just right there and then, he'd rather let his mind wonder off a little more than engage in life changing conversations. He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I wish you weren't so stubborn."_

"_Where does that come from now?"_

"_Oh come on," he smiled. "I know you, I know you secretly want someone to ride into the sunset with, running from all of your problems and-"_

_She snorted. "So now I'm waiting for prince charming to come sweep me off my feet?" _

"_Well yes, technically." He said matter-of-factly, only partially teasing. "Yeah, sure. If you managed to get past that idea of yours that you still have to prove yourself as a woman doing this job, being tough and all cop-like all the time."_

"_Shut up." She said hitting him and stalking off calling in the distance. "My office. Now. If you're not too busy with your romance novel. We have actual work to do."_

* * *

She didn't even see Pike enter the room and close the door behind his back and she jump a foot off the bed when he lightly touched her shoulder. "Hey," he said sweetly, brushing her hair behind her ear. "what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Marcus. I-I'm pregnant."

"It's mine." He said not really asking, but waited for confirmation anyway.

She nodded. His eyes widened and he shook his head ever so slightly. "Marcus I know it's very, very soon, I mean we haven't been dating long, but-"

"Shut up." And he kissed her with a little more emotion than usual.

She responded to the kiss, but broke it off shortly after. "Wait are you… happy?"

"Yes, I am, I really am." He beamed at her. "I know we haven't been together for long, but I'm happy and I want this and I'll be there and-" he stopped mid-sentence when he saw the look on her face, one he couldn't quite figure out. "Are you not happy? Do you not want the baby?"

"I do want it. I do, it was just so unexpected and it's taking a while for it to sink in." She hadn't been worried about Marcus wanting the baby, she could tell from what she knew about him he wanted a family, maybe not so soon in the relationship, but he wasn't going to turn it down just because it didn't fit the standard schedule. "Why aren't you freaking out?"

He shrugged his shoulders still smiling ear to ear. "I'm deliriously happy, but don't worry I'll freak out soon enough."

Another doctor appeared in the room dragging along an ultrasound machine. "Hello everyone I'm Doctor Lockhart," she unclasped Lisbon's chart from the foot of the bed and quickly scrolled through. "Doctor Ross briefed me quickly, but from what I can see here you fainted today, right?"

"Yes."

"And you're pregnant so it's not that surprising. Everything seems good here," she said her eyes hadn't yet left the chart, peeking at the numbers on it through her red rimmed glasses. She then looked up at the couple who was waiting expectantly. "only thing left is to take a look at your baby. You the father?" she pointed at Pike while settling the machine closer to the bed. Pike nodded, wearing the expression of a third grader in front of his favorite teacher. She gave them a reassuring smile. "So Teresa how far along are you?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I guess around five weeks."

"Huh." She said pushing the glasses up the bridge of her nose and pursed her lips. Her hands were pushing all kinds of buttons on the machine.

"Is everything alright?" asked Pike, who didn't really understand the sudden change in the doctor.

"Well fainting generally occurs later on in the pregnancy, but I'm sure your job is stressful enough as it is, without the added stress of being pregnant. This wasn't planned I gather?"

They both shook their heads.

"Okay, five weeks is a little early, I'm afraid we'll have to do an internal scan." She turned with a grimace on her face.

"It won't hurt the baby, right?"

The doctor shook her head. "No, absolutely, not. It's just a bit uncomfortable for the mother." Then she looked at Lisbon who was looking definitely worried. "Scoot down and bend your knees." When she was settles she bunched up the blanket at the foot of the bed and moved holding a probe that had Lisbon turn her head into the pillow away from the doctor.

Pike immediately took her hand in his and looked at her face rather than the doctor, he had absolutely no idea how bad this felt for her, not just physically, but being the stubborn, independent, control-freak she was, it was close to torture. Suddenly he felt her squeezing his hand much, much harder and gently passed his hand on her head, smoothing her hair and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"There it is." Announced to doctor and both of them turned to the screen not seeing anything more than black and white shapes.

She felt something tug at her heart, something she'd never, ever felt before. Her eyes were literally glued to the screen and she suddenly, out of the blue, felt an indescribable warmth spread through her and she just felt at ease, happy, light. To think a little white dot on a screen could do that. She hissed when the doctor moved the probe a little too forcefully.

"Sorry, I know it hurts, it's just…" she moved it around some more, the brunette in the bed gritting her teeth to keep from showing further sings of pain. The pensive look on the doctor's face worried Pike, who wasn't busy staring at the ceiling and noticed it.

"Something wrong?"

The doctor shook her head. "Uh, it's… are you sure you're five weeks along?"

"No, could be less." She managed to let out.

She took a couple more measurements and snapped a couple of pictures before retrieving the probe and putting it back in its place. She took the blanket and put it back over her patient. "Lift up your gown."

Worry began to get to Lisbon too and, while she did what the doctor asked, she couldn't keep it at bay. "What's wrong, doctor?" she didn't know much about pregnancy or being pregnant or ultrasounds, but what she did know is that this wasn't regular, everything's-okay procedure. However the doctor didn't answer as she seemed so focused on what she was doing that she squeezed the cold gel on Lisbon's abdomen and started working the wand over it searching for something. "What is wrong?" she asked again her worry growing with every second the doctor didn't answer.

And then the doctor smiled and looked back at the couple. "Your baby is perfect. Healthy, strong and," she tapped a couple of keys. "this is your baby's heartbeat." A swooshing sound filled the room. Pike kissed the back of her hand and shared a big smile with her.

"But if everything's alright, then why did you change…"

The doctor printed a couple more pictures and cleaned up her stomach and pushed the machine away from the bed. "You're not five weeks along, I'm thinking at least nine. See," she pointed at one of the prints. "the measurements suggest you're around nine weeks, but the development of the fetus puts you at about ten weeks."

"How is that even possible?" Lisbon shook her head and looked down at her lap, feeling Pike's hold on her hand lessening, she couldn't face him now so she turned to the doctor.

"Actually it's not that unusual this early in the pregnancy for development and dimension of the fetus not to match and I can imagine that, not knowing you were pregnant, you maybe haven't been eating too well, which might explain why your baby is little bit on the small side. Also this explains why you fainted today."

She shook her head again more forcefully and looked straight at the doctor, eyes wide, the look on her face was a mixture of fear and stupor. "No what I meant is that it's not possible for me to be so far along, it's just impossible."

"Oh, well you know there's always a chance-"

"I know there is! What I'm saying is that it's not possible. It just isn't. I'm talking immaculate conception kind of impossible." she probably sounded angrier than she meant, shook her head again and saw in the corner of her eye Pike shrink back much like Jane had done just a bunch of minutes earlier.

"I don't know what to say. The ultrasound puts you between nine and ten weeks and I'm comfortable with stating that you're ten weeks along. This is what the tests say."

Lisbon looked down, somewhat defeated, feeling tears in her eyes. "But it's impossible."

As the doctor saw her shook quietly she put a hand on her shoulder. "You still have options you know."

Without looking up she sniffled. "No, I want to keep it, I don't care."

"Okay then, I'll send a nurse in with your prescription and discharge papers."

She nodded and felt like breaking down. She had so many questions she wanted answered, but it seemed like no one had the answers. She bent her knees to her chest and let her forehead drop on the top of her legs, hiding her face in her arms. She was literally shaking, crying, letting go completely. She had never been one to cry, but right then she couldn't help it. She felt the bed dip on her side and felt Pike pull her into his arms, caressing her hair, trying to comfort her whispering in her ear. For just a few minutes she thought her life had finally taken a right turn, away from all deception mysteries and lies, but, instead, she was right in the middle of it, like she'd never left. She'd briefly envisioned having a baby with a man, a good man, despite the little time she'd known him, someone who was ordinary enough to be just what she needed, an FBI agent who liked art and carried a gun, but preferred not to use it. It couldn't be just like that, easy, normal, not once in her life had she ever been dealt the lucky hand and this seemed to be just the new chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

_Patrick Jane had stared at Sheriff McAllister being shot, in a second time seemed nearly stop. He felt as if he was underwater, the muffled sounds, people moving slowly and awkwardly around him. He couldn't bring himself to move, he' just watched the man he'd known for years as Red John getting shot. This was a day he'd been dreaming about for the better part of the last decade. He hadn't turned around to see who'd been the one to kill him. He was betting Cho, the bullet had hit the man in his abdomen, which, if unattended, meant a slow and painful death. He couldn't look away from all the blood, it was everywhere, on him, around him, he could sense the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. He knew Cho why hadn't aimed for the head or the heart, he wanted to see the man suffer, not for himself, but for Jane. He knew Jane would want a few seconds with Red John conscious enough to at least know he was dying at the hands of, even if not directly, Jane. He was still staring when the man started to talk. _

"_It's not over." He rasped out. "I left you a gift Patrick." He motioned for him to get closer. "Here's the card." Red John handed him a neatly folded piece of paper which he put inside his jacket. He gave a creepy smile and closed his eyes as his head lolled onto his shoulder._

'_Dear Patrick, _

_You think you've won, but don't get too comfortable. I have planned ahead and perfected the ultimate plan. Today as much an end as it is a beginning, old friend, I have just found the perfect way to continue wreaking havoc into your life and those of the people closest to you. We'll see each other soon enough. _

_I honestly thought you'd be smart enough to learn from your mistakes, but apparently you are still nothing more than the fraud you were, tricking the people who care for you, lying to anyone who reaches out, I'm pleased to see I've ruined you. Enjoy your new life. _

_Don't waste your gift.'_

_Instead of a smiley face there was a smear of blood, he was willing to bet, Lisbon's blood._

"_Lisbon," stood Jane frantically. "where is she? Did you find her?" agitated, scared, worried, terrified didn't even begin to describe the way he was feeling. She'd been missing for a little over nine hours. They'd been getting closer and closer to Red John and with the list down to just five names he'd thought of a fail proof plan. Everything was set and ready to be put into action and then Lisbon hadn't shown up in the morning and he'd nearly lost his mind. In the few hours she'd been missing he'd relived over and over the couple of minutes it took him to realize what he was going to find in his bedroom the night his family had been murdered. Surprisingly tracking one by one the remaining suspects they had found them dead, so they were able to narrow down the research to Sheriff McAllister's properties to find out he just owned an old barn. With Rigsby and Van Pelt gone they had been definitely short staffed, but their luck turned out to be the FBI shutting down the CBI for good. Cho and Jane had, reluctantly, let them handle the search and Cho had just partaken into the takedown, while Jane, who was so riled up he couldn't even walk straight waited locked in one of the SUVs._

_When he was let out like an animal, his first instinct had told him to go to Lisbon, but then he caught sight of Red John being shot and couldn't just walk away._

"_She's here." Yelled a brunette FBI Agent. Lisbon was still wearing her jersey, she'd probably been taken while she was asleep. "She's breathing and the pulse is good." Jane raced over and felt himself. "She's alive." He breathed._

* * *

Lisbon walked into the bullpen looking for Jane, mostly by instinct, but today she also needed to talk to him, but couldn't see him anywhere. After being released from the hospital she had taken a couple of days off, she hadn't meant to, but she wasn't sleeping well and the first few days after finding out she was pregnant she hadn't slept at all, not able to stop her mind from thinking and wondering and making up all kinds of scenarios to try and explain in some way, any way, her situation. She knew Jane lived like that, he just didn't sleep, he'd sometimes take a nap when he was tired, but soon enough either nightmares or thoughts roused him before he could fully rest and over the years he'd just gotten used to sleep even just a couple hours a day. She wanted him, needed him, to tell her how to make it stop; she knew full well the usual cure for this, but alcohol was out of the question for her. She at the very least wanted to share with him the curse of being kept awake by thoughts and just plain anxiety. Marcus was nice enough, being there, not asking too many questions and not digging and maybe, just maybe, that was the problem, she'd found herself pregnant without the slightest idea how it happened and he seemed mostly unfazed by it while she lost several nights sleep over it and still couldn't really rest, if and when she fell asleep she'd wake up tired and nauseous.

A little voice in the back of her mind reminded her Jane was avoiding her. She was being paranoid, but not unreasonably so, for all Jane knew she was carrying Pike's baby and he wasn't exactly his number one fan. He'd just made sure she was okay, but kept his distance at the same time, either out of self-preservation or just not wanting to intrude in her life. The moment they shared at the hospital had turned out to be an isolated occasion, just their past dynamics resurfacing when they were both being emotional.

"Uh oh." Her head whipped around to find him lurking right behind her, he'd appeared out of nowhere later in the afternoon. "You don't look so good Lisbon. Morning sickness?"

Unable to wipe the deer caught in the headlights look from her face, due to the lack of proper sleep and coffee, she just stared at him not answering for a few seconds. "Some, yeah."

He kept studying her face and body just like he did with murder suspects, minus the curious look on his face, instead he was sporting something that was most likely a mix of worried and intrigued. "You're pale and you look thinner. You know you really shouldn't be losing weight now, you are eating for two after all."

The smile he gave her broke her heart a little. He was genuinely trying to be supportive and caring while staying afar, far away from the thin line he used to overstep on daily basis in the past. She just nodded. She suddenly felt terribly sad, for some reason hormones intensified everything she felt, so now she knew if she said anything, she'd end up crying and it was the last thing she wanted to happen in the bullpen.

"You haven't been sleeping well, have you?" he continued to study her. "Why? I thought you were happy about this." Again, though, when she didn't answer, but just stared at him blankly he continued. "You are worried, uh? You don't have to, I mean, babies are scary, but totally worth the headache. Don't stress about it, you'll do wonderful, trust me."

Lisbon smiled, he really wasn't helping. She went from being about to cry out of sadness to being so overwhelmed by what he was saying that she ignored how annoying it was that he'd been staring at her for a few minutes, almost like a piece of art in a museum, blurting out everything that came to his mind. "I'm okay. Really, just having a little trouble staying awake." She managed in a rather unconvincing tone.

"If you say so. You know you can have coffee, though. A cup a day doesn't do any harm, you shouldn't go through the pain of giving up coffee altogether."

"I know." she sounded more like herself, but her shoulders fell. "Coffee makes me sick though, just the smell of it, I'll have to do without it."

Jane tapped his lips with his index finger pensively. "Mm. I think I have the perfect thing for you. Be right back." He put down his teacup on her desk and disappeared in the break room. He reemerged five minutes later and handed her a smoking cup while he picked up his and sat on his couch patting the space beside him motioning her to sit there with him.

She looked at the liquid in the cup she was holding and inspected it trying to discern its origin. "What is this?"

"Special tea. Should help with the nausea and packs a little caffeine to help with keeping you awake."

She took a sip and grimaced. "Ugh."

"What?"

"Tastes like pond water." She looked at it some more and realized it actually looked like pond water. "But it actually helps with the nausea. Thanks."

"No problem and I don't want to know how you know what pond water tastes like."

They just sat there sipping their teas without saying another word and the situation grew more and more awkward by the minute. When she finished her tea with a sigh of relief she stood and went to sit at her desk intent on distracting herself with work, she was leaving in a little while anyway. She just couldn't concentrate. She hadn't been able to work at full capacity ever since she'd found out she was pregnant, little did she know she should have told Abbott right away, but he thought she wasn't well anyway, so he hadn't let her out in the field. She couldn't explain what was going on with her before she'd figured it out herself. Every time she tried to make sense of the situation she'd get tangled up in a million questions and absolutely absurd ideas and theories and it turned out to be completely counter-productive and a total waste of otherwise useful time. Yet she couldn't sleep, couldn't get it out of her mind. Rationally any woman being told she was pregnant, when there was no chance at all of that being possible, would probably lose her mind over it. Hell people went nuts for things that made much more sense than the predicament she'd found herself in.

Lisbon literally felt the need to talk about it all with someone, but it wasn't just someone, she needed Jane. If anybody had answers, it was him. The more she thought about it, the more she found reasons not to talk to him, at the very least to keep both of them from enduring the awkward and possibly embarrassing and uncomfortable conversation that would be. Lisbon chose bottling up instead of asking for help, despite her life history of failures from adopting this coping mechanism, she went with it anyway. Maybe Marcus was right, maybe, she wanted to believe that so, so much, he would be enough, even though he wasn't the baby's father, he could take on the role seen as nobody was going to fill it anyway.

Speak of the devil. She saw him walk out of the elevator and caught his eyes. He had insisted she didn't drive and offered to take her to work and back home every day, even when he wouldn't stay with her for the night. When she met his gaze she nodded and he smiled and stood, waiting patiently by the elevator. She quickly packed up her things and stood turning by instinct to Jane, who was engrossed in a book. "See you tomorrow Jane."

He look up with a soft smile. "Good night Lisbon. Take care of yourself, will you?"

"Don't hover." She gave him a little smile back and caught up with Pike and left the building.

* * *

_It took five weeks for Jane to be cleared from the Red John investigation launched by the FBI. After shutting down the CBI they had started arresting one by one all the Blake Association members they'd found, but everyone was still part of the investigation. The day after Cho killed Red John, Abbott had shown up in Lisbon's hospital room, sure to catch them all together, with the addition of their former teammates, and offered the two agents plus Jane a position in the FBI, the offers would have been valid from the moment each one of the three was cleared. Cho had unsurprisingly been the first and just after two weeks was cleared for duty with the FBI, he was a natural. Lisbon had to wait about ten days more and then was joined him and the new team. She'd miss being the boss, but there was nothing she could do about that, maybe with time she could think of furthering her career and maybe one day she'd have her own team again. It was a relief though. Her first case back she realized just how much paperwork and how much responsibility had been lifted from her shoulders and Jane wasn't even at work._

_The moment Jane left Abbott's office with a new badge in his pocket he'd felt excited, part of his old team was back together. He caught Cho and Lisbon chatting at her desk so he approached ready to make them an offer they couldn't really refuse. "If drinking's on you I'm in."_

_His sentimental Cho. He glanced at Lisbon who was biting her lower lip. "I actually have plans tonight."_

"_Are your plans tv show reruns, pizza and beer? Because I can offer that." he teased._

_Cho shook his head amused at the pair. "Your dinner plans are waiting by the elevator, Boss." And pointed subtly at the tall, dark and handsome guy standing a few feet away from them. _

_She blushed furiously. "I'll see you guys tomorrow then." She took her bags and turned back once more. "I'm not the boss anymore, by the way."_

_Cho shrugged his shoulders. "Old habits die hard I guess. Have a good time."_

_Jane was definitely staring and kept his gaze even after the elevator's door closed taking her away. "When did this happen?"_

_Cho took in Jane's star struck expression and the corners of his lips curved up in amusement. "I'll tell you now, if you promise not to pester me the whole night."_

"_Meh." He tried a smile and from Cho's amused look he knew he'd failed. "You know I can't promise that."_

"_Agent Pike from the Art Department. Her first case was a joint investigation with his team and after we solved it he asked her out and she said yes. Two weeks ago, give or take. Can we go now?" Cho said in a single breath trying to include the most basic information, but knowing Jane wouldn't just drop it, out of curiosity or jealousy he really didn't know. He could tell the consultant was mostly curious, but the almost imperceptible hint of hurt in him, definitely suggested there was something beyond that._

* * *

The car ride to her place was mostly quiet. She was worn out, not as tired as the last few days, thanks to Jane's magical tea, but incredibly tired nonetheless. She kept feeling Marcus' eyes on her and she could feel him smile sympathetically at her obvious state of utter exhaustion despite her lighter work load and the fact she was mostly on desk duty. He was definitely caring and if the baby had actually been his, she could have seen things working out for the two of them, he was a good enough man to be considered a steal, he wasn't the love of her life, but is there really a such thing?

"Teresa." Someone was shaking her shoulder slightly. "Teresa, we're home."

She opened her eyes and her brain, albeit a bit slowly, registered she was indeed home and that she must've dozed off in the car. "Sorry, didn't mean to be such bad company."

He chuckled lovingly and helped her out, mostly by taking her bag, and she found herself letting him. God, she must've been really out of it for that to happen. "No apologies. I know you haven't been sleeping well. Let's get you inside."

He sat with her on the couch and saw her eyelids close once again, in a second he was gone and back with a sweatshirt and yoga pants for her to change in, quietly shook her awake enough to actually change into those and then disappeared into the kitchen. And she let him, she let him take care of her, something she really wasn't good at, her foggy mind chalked it up to sleep deprivation. After some time he woke her up again and sat beside her on the couch holding a small bowl that, if her senses were right, was chicken soup, she noticed also crackers and saltines on the coffee table and ginger ale. She hadn't been eating much more than that recently. "I swear it has to be psychosomatic." She mumbled taking the bowl and eating.

"What has?"

"The nausea. And all the rest of my symptoms, for that matter. I was completely fine, then I find out I'm pregnant and bam, I'm sick." She huffed, but smiled.

He rubbed her shoulder sweetly and let her lean a little into him. "I'm sorry. I wish there was anything I could do about that."

"Me too." she sat the bowl back on the table, almost empty, and sat back putting a hand on her stomach, she'd found it helped with not feeling sick, or it calmed down the nausea at the very least.

She looked up when Marcus' hand covered hers, their fingers interlacing. "Hey I was thinking."

She hummed and pressed her head against his shoulder. "About the baby's father." At her surprised look he quickly added. "I have already told you I'm be more than happy to do it myself, but he should at least know."

Her eyes widened and her frown deepened. "Well if I knew who that was I'd tell him. I've already told you, several times, I have absolutely no idea how this happened."

"Really." His tone wasn't challenging, but it wasn't the naïve, innocent one he'd used just a handful of minutes before.

She sat up, away from him, a little hurt by his insinuation. "I told you." She said slowly and seemingly calm. "I have no idea. It's impossible, I've told that to the doctor you were there. I was chasing Red John by the time this baby," her hand instinctively covered her abdomen, where the baby was. "had to have been conceived."

"How can it be?" Pike looked torn between being nice and supportive and actually being curious. "How can you not realize you get pregnant, I mean you know how that works, how can you not notice? I just don't unders-"

She held up a hand. "Stop it right there. I'm tired, Marcus, and I'm tired of discussing this. To answer your question I don't know and to be brutally honest I know for sure it's not possible because I hadn't had sex in months" she purposefully dragged out the word, hoping it would spare her from being any more precise, "when we caught Red John, then I lost my job and the FBI hired me and then I met you. I think you know the rest of the story. Seriously I don't know." She concluded exasperatedly.

His head fell, chin to his chest. His hand grasped hers and he pulled her back against him, rubbing a soothing hand down her back. "I'm sorry I keep bringing this up I just can't wrap my mind around it. I don't know how you're not losing it."

She was. That was the truth, a truth she wasn't ready to share with him, because in her head it wasn't his to know and to deal with. It was someone else's worry, it was Jane's duty to help her unwrap this mess. She didn't respond to that, tonight was just the repeat of the night before and the one before that and the one after she left the hospital she had regained her wits enough to know that she didn't want to talk to him about it. She settled her head back on his shoulder and let exhaustion take over her body once and for all.

When her stomach started cramping painfully she realized she was in bed. Marcus must have carried her. She realized, also, that he wasn't in the bed with her and hadn't been for the whole night, the comforter on the other side was still neatly tucked under the mattress and the pillow sat exactly where she put it when she last made the bed. It was morning, too late to watch the sunrise, too early to go to work. Damn. She wasn't enjoying pregnancy at all, she reconsidered all the things her sisters in law had told her over the years and chucked it into a box in the back of her mind labeled 'utter garbage'. The nausea would go away just as fast as it would come, just not every morning was the same, on some very, very rare days she'd wake up and didn't feel sick at all, up until she smelt coffee, obviously. This one definitely wasn't one of those mornings. She tried breathing deeply and slowly a few times, a trick she'd learned, often kept her from actually vomiting, but it wasn't working. She threw up all the soup she had the night before, with the few saltines she'd eaten. Lisbon leaned against the edge of the tub, while sitting on the floor, the cool porcelain felt incredibly good against her burning back, she leaned back her head and closed her eyes feeling impossibly comfortable.

She saw through her half closed eyes someone approaching. Marcus. He sat on the floor with her and kissed her forehead. "Sick?"

She just nodded lightly, not trusting herself to speak.

He stood and dampened a hand towel and gently laid it on her head, knowing it helped a little. Then he grabbed her toothbrush and handed it to her. After she was done she got to her feet, with his help, rinsed her mouth and suddenly turned away from him and left the room. He found her sitting on the bed, shaking.

"Hey," he whispered and sat next to her pulling her side to his and putting his arms around her. "what's the matter?"

After about a minute the shaking subsided and she looked up at him with red rimmed eyes. "The matter is I'm so tired and so," she sniffled. "so done with this, no more."

"Shh hey." His hand was drawing circles on her stomach in the hope to calm her down and relieve, at least partially, the pain. This was the first time she broke down. He knew the hormones were to blame, but, he was no stupid, he knew there was something else bothering her. "I'm here it's okay."

"No," she shook her head and stood in front of him unsteadily. "it's not okay. I-I… why are you here? Why? It's not your baby, why do you care?"

"I care about you." He said the hurt evident in his voice. "It doesn't matter to me that the baby isn't mine and you know it." He continued, calmer, knowing she didn't mean what she was saying, she did deep down, but she was just freaking out then. "You didn't cheat on me, I have absolutely no reason to be angry or leave you, on the contrary-"

"How do you know? I mean how do you know if you don't know who's the father, uh?" she snarled.

"Wait." A sudden realization hit him. Something, or rather someone, he hadn't thought about in a while. "Is it Jane's? And he doesn't want it? Is that why you're so secretive?"

"What?" she looked completely dumbstruck. "Where does this come from now?"

Pike shrugged. "Well you guys seemed really, and I mean really, close. Everyone thought you were together at first. Pardon me for thinking the baby you're carrying that seems to have no father is his."

"Really?" tears run down her face, he might as well have killed a puppy right in front of her. "Tell me you don't honestly think that. Tell me you know if it was the way you think I would have told you." Her voice cracked. "Tell me."

His head hung and reached out a hand without touching her. "Sorry." His voice wavered. "Come here, please."

Lisbon tentatively took his hand and took a step toward him and let him pull her in a tight hug. He held her almost like Jane used to, not exactly, nobody did it exactly like him, but it was close enough for comfort. She let herself relax completely and wrapped her arms around him too. "I'm sorry too."

They stayed still, hugging until her alarm went off dragging them both back to reality. "And that's our cue to put an end to our meltdown and go to back to the real world and get ready for work." He squeezed her shoulders and let her go.

"You mean my meltdown." She snorted.

He grinned. "Sure, whatever you say, darling."

She gave him a big smile and went to get ready. She felt better this morning, not because she'd gotten anymore sleep, or any more food than the previous day, but she'd let out some of what felt like the whole world on her shoulders. She realized, as she looked at the trees passing outside her window, that there was a slight chance things might work out for her, with or without Pike. She felt a renewed sense of strength and her unusual blind trust in her own abilities, she'd lived alone for twenty years almost, she was definitely capable to continue on, even with the extra responsibility she was going to have. She could make some sacrifices with her job and she turned to looked at Marcus, focused on the road. He'd been married and divorced. She didn't know why, but strangely she hadn't been curious, divorced people have a reason for being divorced, the blame is always on both no matter how big the share. For some reason she hadn't cared, he was good to her and that she'd decided was enough, but, as she leaned her forehead against the glass of the window, she realized she didn't settle, never, for anything less than what she wanted.

"Do I need to pull over?" he gave her a soft smile.

She shook her head, she hadn't spoken a word in what must've been a long while. "No, I'm okay, don't worry."

He pulled into the parking lot and waited for her to get out of the car and reached for her. "I'm driving you home, but I'm not staying." He cupped her cheek.

She was a little shocked and just a hint of fear started to creep its way into her whirlwind of emotions. "Wha… Why?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing. I just think you could do with some alone time." He kissed her and gave her a tight quick hug. "I'll see you tonight."

"Okay."

She walked in, not totally sure of what'd just happened, if they were okay, if they weren't, why he suddenly, after spending almost all of his free time with her, volunteered to leave her space. Maybe he wasn't as okay as he'd made her believe he was with her whole situation. Just like the rest of the week she sat at her desk, answering the phone, filling Jane's complaint forms and finishing reports, occasionally Cho would call her to bring her up to speed on any new development in their current case. She'd been in the office with just Wylie, when he was called downstairs and left, effectively leaving her almost all alone in the bullpen. She felt tired and the lack of people and movement around was putting her to sleep, checking her phone she saw it was way beyond time to leave and also noticed a text from Marcus saying he was out on a case and that Jane knew she needed a ride back home. Speaking of Jane she decided to sit on his couch, seeing as she had to wait for him anyway, in case she fell asleep she'd be at least comfortable.

She woke sometime later, her head was lying on something relatively soft and warm. Someone. She didn't need to look up to know it was Jane. "Why didn't you wake me?" she croaked.

"You were peaceful and you look like you need the rest." He shrugged.

She groaned. "I'm never falling back asleep now."

"Baby's already keeping you up?"

She tilted her head to look up at him. This was the perfect time to tell him what was keeping her up at night. "Jane… Jane I-I need to-"

He put his finger on her lips. "Don't stress out. I'm happy for you, extremely happy, you're going to love being a parent, I'm glad you found someone would can give all of this to you." He smiled sadly and sweetly at the same time. "You deserve it, Lisbon."

"No, Jane I really need to talk to you." She whipped out her boss voice.

"Oh." He angled his head and looked through her. He looked so focused she didn't know if she should even speak. "You don't have the glow." He said in an uncharacteristically flat tone.

She frowned not sure if she'd just been insulted. "Glow? What are you talking about?"

"Pregnancy glow." He seemed more excited about her own impending motherhood than she was, all they talked about was the baby. "Pregnant women glow, it's a mixture of happiness, excitement and hope all wrapped up together." He changed his head's angle studying her from a new perspective. "You don't have it." He shook his head. "Are you stressed out? Is something wrong?"

She shook her head. "No. Baby's fine. Look Jane, remember when we were chasing Red John."

"Yeah. Well it's not something I'm going to forget, not that I forget anything anyhow."

She sighed. "Something happened-"

"Is it because of him?" he interrupted. "Is that what's keeping you from finally enjoying life? You can." he gave her a big smile and squeezed her hand.

"What? And you can't?" she smiled back forgetting what she wanted to tell him, he'd unintentionally distracted her. "If anyone deserves happiness is you, after all."

"Oh, Lisbon, I…"

She turned serious suddenly. "Jane, Red John is gone, dead. It's over, he can't hurt you or anyone anymore and he's not coming back, don't let a ghost haunt you and ruin your life."

"Jane," she tried softly, tentatively. "I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry."

She was right, he knew. He was gone, dead, incapable of ruining his life anymore, but something in her words made him think about the little card Red John had given him after being shot. He hadn't told anybody about, mostly because he wanted to keep it to himself, but also to protect everyone, namely Lisbon and Cho, from losing anymore sleep on him. He'd quickly dismissed the threat the little piece of paper held, but a strange had taken place in his gut for some time now, he couldn't pinpoint what had caused and couldn't get rid of it. He was sure if he told anyone about any of this they'd just tell him to move on, let Red John out of his life forever, that obsessing over the card was the killer's intention and he shouldn't give into the man's games. He sobered up, shaking his head quietly, almost as if he could shake his thoughts free of Red John.

"It's nothing. So why isn't Agent Pike letting you drive?"

She gave a mildly annoyed shake of her head complete, if he hadn't lost his touch, with her trademark eye roll. "He's being a little overprotective." When Jane's eyebrows raised a little she gave up. "Okay, he's hovering all the time. I can't even put on PJs alone."

Jane looked so sad and lonely then, but there was the faintest sparkle in his eyes. "Good, you need to let someone take care of you for once."

She pursed her lips. "What about you, though?"

"Oh, trust me Lisbon, I don't need a man to help me put on pajamas." He teased.

She smacked his shoulder. "You know what I mean!"

"I'm okay," when her eyebrows rose skeptically, he laughed and added. "Seriously I'm at peace, most of the time."

"I hope you're not lying."

"I thought you could tell when I lie." He teased. He recovered quickly and caught the yawn she was trying to hide with the corner of his eye. "Come on, I'll take you home, you need your rest. After all you are growing a baby while us mere mortals chase after criminals and scribble reports." He patted her back and helped her up, even though she didn't need his help, and took her home.


	3. Chapter 3

Lisbon speed dialed Jane almost on instinct, she had no recollection of how it happened until she heard his voice on the other end. She told him to come over, she needed to talk to him without any possible distraction that might have come up if they were in the office. Pike wasn't there, he hadn't been over for a few days, he had seemed unaffected by their argument, and the other ones that followed, he'd been understanding and inexplicably caring and devoted considering the little time they'd known each other. But her doubts and her fears had clearly started to influence, not just her life, but also his and left him no choice, but to, as he'd said it, leave her some space. She thought maybe he wasn't as ready as he'd thought to take on parenthood, had it been his child he probably would have pulled through and stuck by her side, but the prospect of being with her, raising someone else's child and dealing with her mostly losing her mind over it, had effectively scared the hell out of him.

When the bell rang she jumped, lost in her thoughts, and all but scrambled to the door.

"Hi." Jane was standing there with his sad smile, holding a paper bag. "I thought you could use some ice cream."

She smiled back and let him in, shutting the door. "Thanks."

"I have enough for three, I thought Pike would be here." He frowned and sat the bag on the kitchen counter.

She shook her head at his fake cluelessness, noting he was obviously more cheerful after discovering it was going to be the two of them alone. "Oh, stop it. You know fully well I wouldn't have asked you to come over if he was here, I know you two aren't exactly best buddies, besides he doesn't live here, I do."

Jane held his hands up. "Touché."

After getting a couple of spoons from the kitchen they settled on the couch with their ice cream. Jane was feeling rather uncomfortable. He'd been surprised when she'd asked him to come over, part of him had actually believed Pike would have been there, reasonably, as he and Lisbon were together. She said she had to talk to him so naturally his thoughts had ranged from marriage to moving across the country, or to Chicago, something he honestly was dreading and her silence wasn't really helping to calm his slight anxiety. He was unsure whether he should prompt her to talk or just wait until she relaxed a bit, over the phone he hadn't been able to read her, but now, face to face, he could definitely tell talking to him had made her nervous.

"Is everything okay with him?" he asked casually.

She nodded, but again didn't say anything.

"So he's not leaving you alone." He half stated, half asked. "I don't need to have Cho chase him down."

"No," she smiled knowing it was a very realistic possibility were this the case. "no, this is not about him, not directly anyway."

"Alright, I'm glad." He nodded and waited, but her gaze was fixated on the little ice cream cup in her hands. When she didn't say anything again he continued. "What about the baby?"

"It's fine as long as I know."

"Hey," he lifted her chin up gently with his hand. "whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I know. Promise you're not going to freak out on me and disappear though." When he nodded she went on. "I'm eleven weeks pregnant."

He was a little taken aback at her statement, not sure what she truly meant. "Uh, congratulations I guess. Almost done with the first trimester-" realization struck him and it must have been evident, because suddenly Lisbon's face was painted with an expression of relief. "Wait, so it isn't Pike's?"

"Definitely not."

"I didn't know you were seeing anyone, I mean, three months ago, that's when we got Red John so…" he was struggling with words a bit. "It's not Cho's baby, right?"

Lisbon flat out laughed. "No, no, God Jane, no."

"Yeah, laugh, but then whose baby is it?"

She quietly put her ice cream on the coffee table. "That's the million dollar question. I don't know. Honestly I don't know, I can't even explain how I'm pregnant Jane."

He shook his head and stretched his arm on the back of the couch. "You really don't know."

"Yes, I really don't. Everyone, even the doctor, think I'm crazy or that I'm covering for someone, or that I'm ashamed of something I did, but the truth is that it's just not possible, I mean we spent every single minute of every day together around the time this baby would have been conceived so please, believe me."

He was looking at her, staring into her eyes, reading her, she was sure. For a moment there he'd looked truly shaken. "I-I… of course I believe you."

Her shoulders slumped and she smiled softly. "Thank you. I've been literally losing my mind and I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone."

"What about Pike?"

"He knows," she shrugged. "He seemed to be okay with it, but if it's this hard on me, I can only imagine it's driving him crazy. He's been giving me space to think and figure things out."

Jane nodded thoughtfully. "How though?"

"I was secretly hoping you would have some insight. It's the only thing I've been able to think about for… well ever since I found out and I can't, for the life of me, understand." Her voice cracked a little.

"And Pike is okay with all of this?"

"I was kind of a wreck when I left the hospital and he was there for me. In the last few days though he started suffering a little from the situation, he started to press me and tried to get some answers, but overall he keeps saying that everything happens for a reason and maybe I shouldn't look so hard for an explanation, that this baby is some kind of gift from God and we should be grateful and make the most of it and so on." She met his eyes briefly. "Jane I'm religious and all, but that's crap. I'm not sleeping, I can't work, I'm literally obsessing over this and I don't know how long I can go on like this."

Jane was completely still for a good couple of minutes. He hadn't expected anything like this and certainly, _this_ hadn't been something he'd even thought about. Impossible thoughts come to his mind, thoughts that he instinctively pushed back, it couldn't be. In front of him there was a woman he cared a great deal about, his best friend, and she desperately needed him and his help, but he couldn't think straight, something that hadn't happened since before Red John died. Something she'd said rung a bell in his head, a gift. Pike had called the baby a gift. He didn't want to think about the possibility of this being one of the many strings attached to his own personal nightmare, but at the same time he couldn't deny the facts. "Pike said it was a gift, are these his exact words?"

She looked a bit dumbfounded at his question, of all the things he might have wanted her to expand on what Pike had said. "Sure, I think. I guess."

He nodded again, his mind going a thousand miles per hour, wheels turning in his head so loudly she was starting to fidget. "Jane."

"Lisbon I-" he shouldn't tell her. Couldn't tell her, couldn't add something to the list of things she was worrying about. He had no idea how to help her and felt the need to get up from her couch and run and find some very, very isolated spot and think for hours, days, weeks, as long as it took to put together all the pieces of what seemed to be an ever expanding puzzle. He almost did it and then he made the mistake to look at her. She looked lost and scared, a look he thought never in a million years he'd see on her face. He knew this was the terrified teenager that had to raise her brothers after her mother's death, while dealing with her father's abuse, which had resurfaced in a moment when all the strength she prided herself on having and all her independence just weren't enough.

He took her hand and squeezed it harder than usual. "I'm not running."

She took a shaky breath and nodded. "Good 'cause you promised."

"But," and he saw her face fall a little. "you need to give me some time to think about all of this."

Lisbon nodded warily. "You know why I'm pregnant?"

"No, I don't know." he tilted his head and grimaced. "You have given me a lot to think about."

"What about Pike?"

"What about Pike?"

"What about what he said, why did you ask me?" she narrowed her eyes. "You don't think he had anything to do-"

He grabbed both of her wrists the moment her hands had flown to the couch to get up and, he thought, start pacing and rambling. "No. Look at me. It's very unlikely." When his answer didn't have the desired calming effect on her he added. "Unless he's shown any interest on Red John or anything related to you."

"He hasn't."

"Good." He smiled. "He's just a good guy. Hey," he looked into her watery eyes. "I'm really not running off."

She nodded again. "Yeah I know."

He took a deep breath and looked around. "Melted ice cream is not as good though."

She wasn't listening and he noticed. All he wanted to do was hug her and tell her that it would be alright that they'd manage, but it wasn't and he couldn't lie to her again, about this, especially. He could only imagine what she was going through and the feeling in his gut telling him that it might have something to do with him was bothersome to say the least. Mostly he was horrified at the mere thought of how this had happened because all the possibilities that'd popped into his head were disturbing at best. "I meant what I said."

She frowned. "About ice cream?"

"No. I'm here, always."

"Thanks." She smiled genuinely. "And I'm so sorry to dump this on you, but I-we, uh, well-"

"I know. We've been each other's person for a long time. But that's not changing just because you're not my boss anymore or because you're dating someone. We're going to figure out what happened. One thing though," he could see her expression shifting, she'd been feeling more relaxed, like a chunk of her problems had been lifted off her shoulders, but now his words had made her tense and worried all over again. "whatever the explanation to this is, it's not going to be pretty and no matter the circumstances you're still pregnant. Do not stress yourself to the point your health will be in danger-" before she could interrupt he continued. "Don't tell me not to hover or that you can take care of yourself because we both know that you sometimes you let yourself get consumed by what you're doing, I'm not judging, I'm the king of getting consumed. All I'm saying is that there is a tiny human being that depends solely and completely on you and you can't forget to eat or sleep three hours a night just because you can't take it, someone will suffer from it and your body will put the baby first. So take care of yourself."

Lisbon looked stunned at his speech. She'd wanted to answer, to tell him he was wrong, that she'd been doing everything the doctor had said, even taking all those terrible vitamins and eating right, but she also hadn't been sleeping, had skipped meals on cases and was currently stressing over her situation and her relationship with Marcus. Jane once again was right. Part of her took the moment to be glad she had someone like him in her life, but the other part, knowing him, knew where he was getting at. "You're going to keep things from me, aren't you? You're going to vanish and you're going to make me worry and-"

"No, no, no, no. Woman this is exactly what I meant. You have to trust me."

"Yeah, dream bigger pal. That's not going to happen."

He sighed had shook his head. "You are impossible. This is a big thing, I mean, it's not about someone stealing your car or kidnapping your brother, someone, somehow got you pregnant," he immediately grimaced when he said it hating how it sounded. "I don't even know how it's possible and I can understand it's eating you not knowing, but we can put our heads together, alright?"

"Okay. You're right, I'm sorry." She leaned back into the couch, she was itching to hug him. She needed comfort, physical contact, but more than that, she needed him, needed his hug. Her knees were bent under her and were almost touching his leg. Almost reading her mind Jane tugged at her hand and pulled her closer, nestling her head on his shoulder.

"Mood swings, uh? Didn't think you'd get any worse, but for once I think I'm wrong." That earned him a smack on his chest and a muttered insult he wasn't quite able to make out. "Seriously though, you're not even showing, you're being pretty lucky, all things considered."

"That's one way to put it. Although, I think I'm just good at camouflaging it." She sat back and pulled up her sweater to reveal a stretchy white top that showed a little curve on her stomach.

"You think that's showing? Really?" he pointed at her mid-section. "That's just a little over fat roll, didn't you say you're almost three months along?"

"Yes, why?" she sat back pulling her sweater down. "What's the problem?"

"No, nothing, just when, uh, when A-Angela was this pregnant she was much, much bigger."

Her face softened immediately when she realized he was sharing the memories of his family with her, it happened so rarely she'd learned to truly treasure those moments. "Well the doctor said the baby was small for its age."

He smiled. "Well seen as you're no giant, it's probably to be expected."

"Hey, watch it. We don't know who the father is." It came out of her mind so fast she hadn't realized the implications of what she'd said. It was true, she didn't know. She had absolutely no idea. "I-"

"We are going to find out. I'm glad you told me."

She nodded and replied in the same soft voice. "I had to tell you. You've been there for me for a long time."

"Oh, come on. You have never really needed me before, it was more the other way around and, speaking of which, I have a lot to make up for, so don't for think a second you are a burden."

Both were quiet for a while, just enjoying the other's presence, thoughts naturally darted to a time when they might have needed this kind of comfort, but couldn't let it happen. Mainly Jane couldn't let it happen, his blinding fear of letting anyone close to him, for obvious reasons, had kept her and the rest of their team at arm's length. "Jane."

"Yes, Lisbon."

"I don't want to sound crazy or paranoid, but what about Red John?"

Jane sighed, he hadn't wanted her to think it. He'd kept the note from her and Cho, and the feds, and was sure that if he told her about it right now she'd jump to conclusions, the same ones he'd jumped to when she'd told him the truth about her pregnancy and worry herself sick, which, despite his pleas, he knew she'd do anyways. He didn't know himself, a feeling in his gut was telling him this mess had a red smiley face all over it, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized it wasn't his style, Red John wouldn't do something like this, it was absolute nonsense to Jane, especially with him dead. "He's dead."

She turned and made sure to look into his eyes, she couldn't tell for sure if he was lying, but she knew it was harder for him to lie to her face. "Could this be related to him? It sounds crazy, but I got pregnant around the time we caught him."

The more he looked into those big green eyes, the more he lost his ability to flat out lie to her. "Honestly I don't know. Lisbon you told me tonight, give the man sometime to think everything through."

She nodded not sure she was going to be able to sleep today as well, Red John nightmares hadn't been part of her nights for a while, but she had a feeling tonight was going to be a totally different story, she just hoped fatigue would let her sleep be mostly dreamless.

"You are tired and need your rest." Jane sprang to his feet all of a sudden. He picked up the leftover ice cream and headed to her kitchen, where, from all the noise, she could tell he was cleaning up.

"Jane you don't have to do that." she followed him to the kitchen, she hadn't noticed how tired she really was until she'd stood.

He shook his head and led her with him to the door. "Lock up after me and let that poor baby rest a little, you both need it."

But she hadn't heard a word of it, because his hand had at some point cupped her face and his thumb was rubbing her cheek soothingly. She felt in a daze, lost in the little contact they had, leaning ever so slightly into his hand. She didn't feel like this with Marcus and hated herself for it, for a moment. She was so lost in space she hadn't expected him to kiss her forehead and go, closing the door behind him. She stared at the closed door for a while, before she walked away to go to bed, just when her phone buzzed.

_Pick you up tomorrow?_

Marcus, it hit her then that she hadn't seen him, outside of work, for almost a week. Her head was so wrapped up in her own drama that she hadn't remembered there was someone out there that was worrying about her and suddenly felt as if history repeated itself, only with reversed roles, she thought this was what Jane had been thinking moments before shooting Hardy, when she was scolding him and telling him to stop being so selfish. She decided she should take her own advice and tried to call him.

"Teresa?"

"Hey, how are you?"

"I should be the one asking that, what are you still doing up anyway?"

She snorted. "I'm sorry dad, I don't have a bedtime."

"Sorry." She could hear his smile. "I just worry, I didn't mean to tell you how to live your life. So what's up?"

"Nothing, I realized I hadn't seen you or called in a while and… I didn't mean to I just kind of lost track of time." She dropped in bed and got under the covers.

"I understand. Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes, physically. I'm almost never sick in the morning anymore." She said as if it was some kind of colossal achievement, but after all Pike had been the one there to help her through all of it.

"That's good. What about everything else?"

Her silence spoke volumes. She hated herself for keeping him at a distance, when all he wanted to do was help her and support her, and every time he got a little closer she'd push him back. Jane was right, he was just a really good guy who genuinely cared, no second agendas, plans, cons or anything of the sort, she'd spent so much time with her consultant she wasn't used to straight forwardness and honesty anymore.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow then."

"Sure. If you come a little early I can make breakfast." She offered.

"Wow, okay. I'll be there at about… 7-7ish?"

"I'll see you then."

Someone hung up leaving Lisbon feeling a pang in her chest, inexplicably upset by her whole day. Nonetheless she'd managed to get a few hours of sleep. She woke up before her alarm and took her time showering and changing.

When she walked back to her room wearing her robe and started looking in her closet for fresh clothes she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and, in a fluid motion, untied the robe, which pooled at her feet. She stood in front of the full-length mirror in her closet looking for any evidence that she was pregnant. Marcus had mentioned her breasts were bigger and her hips had widened the tiniest bit. She could feel a little bump that hadn't been there before, but she looked otherwise the same, due to morning sickness she surely hadn't eaten enough to gain any weight. She had to admit, albeit bitterly, Jane had been right as usual she really hadn't gotten that big, considering how far along she was. What was bothering her most about it wasn't the fact that the small dimensions of the baby might be due to something wrong with it, but that that particular thought hadn't even entered her head, she was going crazy trying to figure out what'd happened to her without taking into consideration that, as Jane had pointed out, no matter the circumstances or the implications she was pregnant. She found, as heartless as it felt, she didn't care; unconsciously, but she still didn't feel attached at all.

She brushed all these serious thoughts to leave space to some others, mostly ones regarding her relationship with Marcus. She had invited him over for breakfast because she felt guilty for taking him for granted, but also to clarify the situation between the two of them, guilt about dragging him with her in this downward spiral was eating at her and she'd decided to reduce the amount of things that were going to give her an ulcer. She dressed quickly and headed downstairs to make pancakes from scratch, her mother's secret recipe, one she used to fish out on the boys' birthdays. When she heard the knock on the door she already more than ready, she'd even had time to set the table.

"Something smells good." Pike smiled and kissed her briefly, dropping his jacket on the back of one of the chairs at the table.

She sat in front of the other plate and they looked at each other for a few seconds awkwardness keeping either of them from eating or talking.

"I take it you're not feeling sick this morning." He started a bit unsure and took a bite.

"No, actually I woke up really hungry for a change."

He nodded. "That's good."

She nodded, but kept eating, glad she able to have a decent breakfast finally.

"It's about time for morning sickness to be over anyway, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess. Jane said so too." She wasn't sure, but he'd looked a little jealous there. "Look Marcus I have to say some things that you-"

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Uh, no, I'll let you decide that." she hadn't expected him to go straight to the point, but then again she knew he had never been one to beat around the bush. "Marcus I am really sorry for everything that's happened recently, I have had some time to think a little more clearly and I treated you pretty badly and I'm sorry."

He looked a little dumfounded, shaking his head he smiled at her. "Teresa don't worry about it. It was a bit shocking and most people find pregnancy alone to be enough of a deterrent to behave a little more selfishly, so no worries, we're totally good."

"Marcus," she whispered gently, at the same time cursing the hormones that were making her eyes tear up. The worst thing is that she knew he meant every word he'd said, he wasn't just putting up with her to actually stay with her. "I'm not trying to break up with you, but I want to honestly tell you what's happening so that you can decide if you're up for it."

He looked stunned, obviously breakfast had taken a different turn than what he'd expected. "Okay, I'm listening."

"I, uh, first of all I'm pregnant with someone else's child and I can't be sure you know what you're really getting yourself into. Then there is the fact that I'm trying to find out it happened and that's going to take up a lot of my time and energy."

She let that sink in desperately trying to read him to anticipate his reaction, she really couldn't deal with him screaming at her so early in the morning for something she had absolutely no control over. She hadn't realized she'd been about to cry until she spoke in a low, watery voice. "I'm telling you all of this because I like you and I care about you and I hate myself every time I promise to call you and then I forget, or when we don't see each other for days and I don't even notice. I feel like everything in my life is taking up so much space and I don't have any more left for someone like you, you're a good guy and deserve to be with someone who is with you completely, not splitting time…"

"Teresa," he said softly, she had tears running down her cheeks and was sobbing so hard she couldn't talk anymore. He put a hand on her shoulder and smiled encouraging her to go on.

She wiped her tears. "I don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to, in a few months or years, to resent me and feel trapped. I feel like I'm using you because you're here and you're nice, but you don't push back. It feels like it's too much."

Pike took his hand back letting the full meaning of her words sink in. she wasn't breaking up with him, but she might as well have. He could say it was hormones, that she didn't mean what she'd said, but he wasn't stupid, the truth was she was right and, even if he didn't know her so well, it was evident she was an independent, self-sufficient woman and obviously had a hard time getting someone's help, or even accepting she needed help and couldn't do it alone. Meanwhile the mystery that seemed to revolve around her pregnancy wasn't helping matters, she was agitated, stressed and needed a kind of support he wasn't able to give her. "So, let me get this straight, you're telling me I'm better off without you, is that so?"

She looked into his eyes, neither nodding nor denying anything. "I'm saying that for the past week I promised to call and never did, I took you for granted and I don't do that, usually. The thing is it's only going to get worse and I don't want to hurt you."

"So this is it?" he demanded, more than asked, keeping his ever so calm demeanor. "I don't get a say?"

She looked at him through her tears. "No, no. I'm just telling you that you deserve so much more and I can't even be sure to be able to give you anything in the next few months, I've been selfish, but it's not fair."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"This, us, was something I had been waiting for for a while, but a lot happened and I can't do it, I'm not kicking you out of my life, but I can't keep you when I can't be with you for real. Ball's in your court, but I mean what I said, I can't make any promises."

"I," he rubbed a hand down his face, clearly thinking. "I…"

Noticing he was lost she smiled softly and put her hand over his. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to turn your whole life upside down."

"I don't get to fight for you, just like that?"

She hadn't expected him to object what she'd said, he'd always been so understanding, his firm statement caused a new rush of tears in her eyes. "Please, Marcus. It's not just me and I come with so much baggage and I can't be with anyone at the moment, without hurting you and I don't want to hurt you."

"So what we're breaking up now?"

"I don't want to," She sniffled. "but I can't go on like this."

He nodded pensively. "We can be friends, right? Or would that be weird?"

"Yes of course." New tears rolled down her face, but she was smiling, she was decidedly relieved by his reaction. "I'd love that."

He stood and motioned for her to do the same and pulled her into a bear hug. "I don't necessarily like this, but I'm glad you're taking a hold of your life, you had me worried for a second there."

"You're glad I broke up with you?" she murmured into his shoulder.

"No, but you're making decisions for yourself and I respect that. Don't think for a moment I'm not going to be around to hover anymore."

The car ride was silent, but surprisingly not awkward. They separated right upon entering the building and Lisbon headed for the elevator. Half way up she started feeling an ache in her chest, she'd just destroyed another good thing, she didn't regret it, it was the best decision she could take at the moment, but it still hurt like hell. She wasn't in love with Marcus, she really liked him and cared enough that it bothered her to keep him around just when she needed him, maybe had the situation been different they could have been happy together, he was the anti-Jane and she could live with that. As long as Jane was in her life too. When she realized she was about to cry, again, she stepped out of the elevator, just on floor below hers, and took the stairs. She sat on the last step and out of the corner of her eye saw a mop of blond hair go through the door. She groaned, she'd chosen this spot mostly because very few people took the stairs when there was a functioning elevator, she wasn't up to see anyone, especially Jane. Then it came to her, it couldn't have been Jane, the man wouldn't take the stairs if the building was on fire.

"You okay?" she heard behind her, Cho.

She didn't know what to say and frankly she knew the man wasn't as good as Jane, but would call her on a lie just as fast. Shaking her head she rolled her eyes. "I'm getting there."

She felt him sit beside her on the steps. "No offense, but in all the time I've known you I've never seen you cry."

"I really don't like to cry, especially around people." She let out a noise, half sob and half laugh.

"Did Pike do something?"

She shook her head and she cleared her throat. "No, God, no. I, uh, I broke up with him this morning."

"Jane?"

"Jane? What does Jane have to do with this?"

Cho, stoic, not a line had formed on his icy features. "I was asking you that actually. I figured since Pike didn't do anything bad and you broke up with him, Jane had to have done something."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." She snorted. "There's something else."

She waited to say anything until Cho turned to face her, obviously intrigued. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh. Congratulations." He said, still no sign of emotion on his face though. Some people might have found it unnerving that he seemed to have no emotions, but she knew him better than that and was sure he was just waiting for her to expand on that. "My question still stands."

"It's not Jane's or Pike's. The thing is I don't know whose baby it is."

A hint of a frown appeared on Cho's face. "Between the two of them?"

"No. I'm almost three months, I don't know how it happened and ever since I found out I've been trying to figure out how it is possible, but I just don't know."

"So is this why you broke up with Pike?"

"Poor guy was willing to be dragged along with all this… nonsense, I don't want anyone else to suffer because of my issues." She leant her head on the metal railing enjoying the cool against her skin.

"What do you mean you don't know, I'm sure it would have been quite a memorable event, I don't understand how you just don't know."

"Welcome to my life." She muttered and turned back to him. "I don't know if I'm sorry not to have told you sooner or to have told you now. I feel like I shouldn't tell anyone and pretend to be happy, I mean, ever since I found out it's all I've been thinking about and it's been literally consuming me, I don't even know why I'm dragging you-"

"You told Jane." Cho assumed, surprised the consultant hadn't been the first one to know.

She smiled despite everything. "Jane was there when I found out I was pregnant. But then again we were both convinced it was Marcus' baby. I told him last night it wasn't."

"That explains it then."

"What?"

He raised his eyebrows, and the look alone told her more than words. "He's been acting as if you had put his Citroën in the trash compactor right in front of him."

She laughed at the image, for years she'd told him exactly what she thought of his _classic_ and had spent hours on the road anxious at the thought of being stranded in the desert. "I didn't notice, not that much."

"Well, it's been going on ever since he found out about Pike. It's escalating."

"Uh." She then put her hands on her knees and stood. "We better go before it's too late."

He knew better than helping her up, pregnant, injured, dying she would bite his hand at the mere hint she couldn't handle herself. Cho shook his head as he followed her out of the emergency door into the bullpen and saw her smile as she approached her desk and found a steaming cup waiting for her. He looked around for Jane, but he was nowhere to be seen, when he noticed Fischer was also gone he concluded they were out on a case, while he and Lisbon had been talking in the stairwell something must have come up. He swiftly glanced back at his former boss, she was working, but he could see her hands were still, hovering over the keyboard and her eyes unfocused in the general direction of her monitor. She was thinking, obsessing, she might as well take residence on the leather couch and nap all day, this wasn't like her and for a second Cho head slapped himself for not noticing earlier. On second thought even if he had he would have probably just dismissed it, considering she was dating a new guy and distraction and dreamy eyes were part of the package.

It was later that night, after everyone had gone home that he saw Fischer walking back into her office to retrieve her things. When she walked past his desk on her way out she bid him goodnight and he noticed a hint of irritation and defeat in her voice that made him smile sympathetically. She'd spent the day with Jane after Lisbon had told him last night the baby she was carrying wasn't Pike's, but was just part of a whole new disturbing mystery and Jane just thrived on mysteries and puzzles. Also he had noticed how something had gone off inside him, a trigger only Lisbon could set off. He gathered his things and walked to the parking lot, while dumping his jacket and shoulder bag in the back seat of his car noticed Jane's Airstream still in the parking lot. The lights were on and he could see a shadow. He waited a little more to be sure Jane was alone inside and then locked his car and knocked on the door.

"My friend Cho. Come in. Welcome." Jane said, he'd opened the door and then disappeared to throw paper back into its manila folder. A police file, with a CBI logo.

He took a seat in front of him on the couch. "So what can I do for you tonight? Cup of tea?" He waved off Jane's offer and glared at him for some more time, hoping he would take a hint. "Oh, of course. She told you." Cho nodded. "Well what do you think?"

"I came to hear what you think. I know you and I saw Fischer. Did a number on her today, uh?"

"Meh." He smiled thinking of the past day. "Nothing I haven't done before."

Cho chuckled dryly. "Let's see, you have killed, buried someone alive, kidnapped people, shall I go on?"

Jane shook his head. The dark silence that followed forecasted the seriousness of their next conversation. Jane stood and grabbed a beer from the little fridge and handed it to Cho who wordlessly accepted. "So."

Cho looked at him. "So. Tell me, let's not waste time."

"Did it surprise you?"

"That she was pregnant? No. It was obvious. I didn't ask because I thought she was waiting for the right time to tell everyone, she's not so young so it stands to reason she'd wait until the second trimester to tell everyone."

Jane looked astonished. "How do you know so much about pregnancy? Was it Rigsby?"

"No, Rigsby would blush at the mere mention of conception. My, uh, my friend is a doctor."

"Your friend?" Jane teased. "Is that a guy or-"

"She is an old friend from when I was in the Special Forces and she recently found a job nearby, so we've been catching up. Stop stalling and tell me what you know."

Jane suddenly looked guilty, caught-with-the-hand-in-the-cookie-jar guilty. "Don't get mad." The look on Cho's face told him he wasn't making any promises, but he'd try not to cause permanent damage. "The day Red John died he told me he'd left a gift for me and gave me this." Ha handed Cho the little piece of paper that he always kept in his inside jacket pocket, he'd memorized the content the first time he'd read it.

"Why did you keep it from us?"

"I thought it was harmless, honestly. I didn't want the two of you, or anyone else involved in the search to lose any sleep over it."

Cho huffed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Let me get this straight, you thought Red John who never did anything randomly hands you a card, a card where it's clearly stated he's planned something to taunt you even after his death and you don't tell us anything."

Jane shook his head. "I always thought he gave me the card because he'd realized I was going to win and leaving me with the doubt that he'd done something would fuel my obsession and he'd still have some control over my life."

"What do you think now?"

"That clearly that wasn't the case. Although I'm really trying not to think, to be honest, I'm not sure I like where going down that road would take me."

Cho nodded. "I know. It's bad no matter which way you look at it. Shouldn't we be talking about this with Lisbon present?"

"No," Jane shook his head. "Not yet, not until we have something concrete. She is stressing too much already and she's not as fine as she'd like everyone to believe."

"I know she's not, but it feels wrong to talk about this without her." He said pointedly.

"Look I didn't say we're not telling her, but she's overwhelmed enough as it is. Let's let Pike take care of her and not add to her worry."

Cho snorted. "She broke up with him. This morning, Wiley came to me and told me she was in the stairwell and he thought she was crying."

Jane cringed at the thought. It was definitely worse than he thought. "That's not good."

A moment of quiet let them recoup and refocus on their main topic. "You think Red John is responsible for her pregnancy somehow?"

Jane blew out a breath, but didn't look in the other man's eyes. "I've trying to think of alternatives all day."

"And?"

Jane shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. Fischer had pestered him all day to engage in their case and help her, while he had been thinking about something else entirely and had kept on telling her he needed to focus eventually locking himself in the Airstream and letting her interview people alone.

"When you hear hoof beats think horses not zebras."

Jane looked at Cho as if he'd gone mad right that second.

"Sometime the easy answer is the right one. Whether you want to accept it or not."

Jane sighed. "You're saying if everything points to Red John we should look into it and not keep on pursuing the medical miracle route?"

"I think that got old before it started." Cho said only half joking. "What I don't understand is how it's even possible, when the doctors checked Lisbon out at the hospital they said she only had a massive dose of sedatives in het system, not apparent violence, no rape, we know for sure he didn't touch her so…"

Jane shook his head defiantly. "I don't know, but you're right it's definitely worth looking into."

"You should have told us about the card." Cho scolded. "It's kind of obvious and it explains the nonsense of getting pregnant out of thin air. You're trying to protect her, but if she'd known about it she would have jumped to this conclusion and, wrong as it might be, she'd have had closure," Jane was about to interrupt. "that's not just something you find in movies. Why do you think relatives of missing people feel better when you tell them you found the corpse?"

Jane nodded, a bitter feeling part guilt, part self-hatred settled inside his gut. "I thought I was doing the right thing, but I'm only human, I do seldom make mistakes."

At Cho's disapproving gaze he amended. "Cho I'm worried about her and I don't know how to help, it feels like she doesn't want to help herself in the first place."

"You think she's depressed?"

"No, not yet anyway. We need to work this quickly and quietly. Think you doctor lady friend could come to dinner at the trailer park and answer some questions about how someone gets pregnant" he mimicked quote marks. "out of thin air?"

Cho grimaced. "That sounds so wrong. I can ask though. What about Lisbon?"

Jane tapped his lip with his finger pensively for a few seconds. He'd just told Cho they had to keep a close eye on the brunette, but they certainly couldn't do both that and keep their search away from her at the same time. Jane gave his thousand watt smile. He'd come up with the perfect way to make sure someone would care for her and to get Fischer off his back. "I have just thought of something that will keep her occupied in the meanwhile."


	4. Chapter 4

Lisbon strolled into the bullpen, going straight for her desk, unceremoniously dropping her things and turning to head to Abbott's office. She had decided to tell him about the baby. She'd waited in the hope her miraculous pregnancy would have some sort of explanation, but it'd turned out even the infallible Patrick Jane had managed to find a puzzle he wasn't been able to solve. Since she'd told him she'd been hoping to hear that he'd come up with a plan, or some crazy idea or anything really, but his usual crime solving abilities hadn't proved to be useful in this case. To be perfectly honest he hadn't seemed that interested, after he'd gotten over the curiosity that'd bubbled up inside him when he'd found out, he had somehow lost his interest. He'd kept on telling her to relax, that they would find out what was going on, but nothing had happened since then. When she'd remembered she had a doctor's appointment that week, telling the boss seemed like the right thing to do.

Lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed Jane walking towards her until she literally walked into him. "Easy there. Where were you going so fast?"

"Abbott's office."

Jane steadied her with his hands on her shoulders, which she'd expected would let go after she stood perfectly balanced, but instead lingered there, while Jane was closely scrutinizing her face. "Why?"

"My transfer request to Arkansas." She said in the most serious tone she could offer so early in the morning, but the little smile on her face betrayed her.

Jane shook his head in mock disappointment. "Funny, Lisbon. What are you going to do in Arkansas? Start over your life as a comedian, because let me tell you, you'd have a long road ahead of you."

"Oh, yeah. I know, between the two of us, it's definitely you who's the clown."

He sobered up. "Wait," realization struck him. "You're telling Abbott you're pregnant?" before she could say anything a well mask look of slight terror crossed his features. "You can't."

Lisbon frowned. "What do you mean I can't? I can and I will."

"Can't you wait a little while longer? People usually wait before telling everyone, besides what are you going to tell him? You can't exactly lie."

"I've reached the time people usually share their happy news." She started sarcastically. "And I don't know what to tell him. You told me you'd help me figure it out and we never talked about it again, what am I supposed to think?"

He hung his head a little, he and Cho had been making progress, big enough to be considered progress, little enough that he hadn't wanted to drag her into their investigation just yet. "I'm sorry. I'm… working on it, so to speak."

"Regardless, I have to tell him."

He nodded. "You're right. Can I come?"

"Sure why not, it's not like I could keep you here even if I wanted." She shrugged and made her way. She felt anxious and her hand was trembling just a little bit when she knocked on his door. When she heard him she entered, but Jane didn't. She pushed the confusion to the back of everything else she was feeling, telling the little voice in her head Abbott was just her boss, worst case scenario he'd put her on desk duty until after maternity leave.

"Lisbon, come in. Fischer was just about to get you. I need the two of you in Rockport, a US Marshall was found dead. He was handling one of our cases. We need to solve his murder asap." He blurted out all in one breath not giving her a chance to talk.

Lisbon blinked and nodded instinctively, but she hadn't really been listening after she'd realized it was some case-related talk. She also hadn't realized Abbott had been staring at her for what couldn't have been more than thirty seconds, in which, though, she'd been still as a statue staring unfocusedly back at him.

"Lisbon?" he asked sounding genuinely worried.

She all but jumped when Jane came up behind her, she'd thought he'd chickened out at the last moment, not wanting to spend any more time that he had to in the boss' office. "Why don't I get to go?"

"Because I need you and Cho on something else. Lisbon is everything okay?"

The interruption had granted her a few seconds to regain her wits and, at least, seem like herself. "I need to talk to you about something personal."

Fischer took Lisbon's hesitation as her cue to leave and gathered the file spread on the boss' desk. "I'll be in the bullpen."

"No, stay." Lisbon effectively stopped her before she could leave. "I'm pregnant."

After both agents congratulated with her, Fischer even briefly hugged her, Abbott gave her an odd look. "You're okay to work, right?"

"Sure, it's no problem." She nodded hastily, feeling like he'd just implied she was incapable of doing her job. Rationally it made sense, it was the first question she'd asked Grace when she'd told her, it was not a reflection on her abilities yet a pertinent and necessary question. "For now." she amended.

"Alright, well pass my congratulations on to Agent Pike." he said casually, but with a smile.

"Agent Pike is not the father, it's, uh… not him." She gave a tight smile.

Abbott frowned. "Oh, I thought-"

"Don't worry, that's what everyone thought." Jane offered before the other man could offer the wrong apology. He knew Lisbon's mood swings weren't so bad, but she'd developed a habit of crying literally over spilt milk and knew she was so emotionally vulnerable now at the wrong word, despite the intention, she would have burst out crying in front of her new boss and colleague.

Fischer noted the woman's uneasiness in all of this; she should have been happy, ecstatic, excited, but instead she looked scared and sad, definitely a stark contrast to the woman she'd seen until a few weeks before. "You're alright, though, right?"

She nodded quietly and offered a barely believable smile.

"Well then, if this is all, I'll see you in my office first thing when you get back to decide on desk duty and maternity leave and all that." he dismissed them with a smile, he was a very authoritarian boss, but not a scary, stoic, emotionless one. Jane left with an amused smile himself thinking how he reminded him of Lisbon when he first started, he covered it up well, but he cared beyond the rules.

The car ride was going to be a long one. The GPS said it would take them about three hours to reach Rockport, but in the current traffic it was going to be more than that. What Lisbon had dreaded the most was small talk, she knew women generally loved this kind of things and she hadn't exactly planned to tell Abbott and Fischer knowing she'd be stuck in a car with her for hours. At least she'd been quick enough to refuse the offer to drive so she'd be able to get a nap and maybe driving would be enough of a distraction that Fischer wouldn't bombard her with questions about vitamins, weight, maternity clothes and the rest of topics she really, really didn't want to talk about.

She hadn't even realized she'd dozed off until she woke up abruptly after a very strange dream. Taking in her confused face and frown, Fischer gave a soft smile. "We're about to pass Victoria, I'd say we still have one more hour on the road if traffic stays the same."

Lisbon nodded, blinking sleep from her eyes. "Sorry, didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay." She used a soft voice, almost the same people used with children, at which she was ready to tell her it was not okay for her to sleep on the job, she didn't need anyone's pity, being pregnant didn't make her an invalid. Before she could say anything, though, Fischer continued, a little less softly with a big smile. "I've worked enough with Jane lately that I'm not even used to drive with someone who's not asleep anymore."

Lisbon chuckled. "Trust me I know the feeling."

"I thought you would, when I tell people about him they always think I'm either exaggerating for effect or that I'm outright lying." She grinned.

Lisbon's eyes sparkled. "Give it time. At first not even my boss could understand why I put up with him."

They shared a looked and then fell silent. Lisbon was some many shades of grateful for that comment she wanted to hug Kim. She'd thought she'd jump at the chance to talk baby related stuff, but it turned out her new colleague was more like her than she'd thought. Her brain wandered for a moment thinking if Grace had been the one in the car with her, she probably would have been thinking about the surprise baby shower she'd throw her boss or how long till she'd know the sex to start buy tons of teeny tiny clothes and amenities. Her smile turned to a bittersweet one when she remembered she hadn't told her and probably wouldn't until she'd know more about everything, she'd only told the people who had to know at the moment, maybe she'd tell Wiley.

When the silence was about to turn uncomfortable enough to switch on the radio, Fischer saved them both from an hour of torture to the country beat. "Why did you? Put up with him, I mean."

Lisbon shrugged, not matter how much time had passed she still didn't know. "Honestly I don't know. I'd say it was a lot of different things, first one being the fact that he'd very recently lost his family and I didn't want to shut the door on his face. When we realized he could be useful in other cases we, my boss, decided to keep him around and I didn't mind, he was bringing bad guys to justice and at the beginning the complaints weren't so bad. As he got more comfortable they increased as did the threats to be sued and death threats, broken noses and so on."

"I don't think I could have pulled through." Fischer snorted.

"There were times, and still now sometimes, that I'd love to shoot him. The truth is that in some way he'd always make up for his absurd, illegal plans and for the afterhours of paperwork filling I had to do. Little things, but he eventually made me see that there is more than rules and protocols, that justice isn't overall black and white. I guess I got better at finding silver linings." Lisbon shrugged. It felt surprisingly good to share, particularly with someone who knew Jane. "And there is the fact that we became very good friends over the years, he came to trust me and it felt different than before."

"Was there ever anything… between you two?" Fischer asked with moderate caution.

Lisbon shrugged. "I'd say no, but I think it's just really hard to explain." she knew her answer was a cop out, not necessarily a lie, but she was saying nothing in a lot more words. "We only had each other for a very long time and things feel different when you're lonely."

Fischer nodded and stopped probing her passenger.

Suddenly Lisbon let out a hiss of pain, slightly bending forward, pressing a hand to her, imperceptibly, rounded stomach. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth willing the pain to pass just as fast as it'd come. It wasn't unbearable, after being shot it felt like a paper cut, but, as much as she hated to admit it, pain during pregnancy, especially in her belly, was not a good sign. Taking a couple of deep breaths she felt the muscles under her hand slowly relax and sat back once the pain was almost gone keeping her eyes shut, not just to avoid the other agent's gaze, but also to be able to pull a completely straight face in a few seconds.

"Are you okay? Do I need to pull over?" the urgency in her voice told Lisbon she was just as clueless to all this as she was.

"No," she croaked. "no, I'm good. I think."

"Tell me if we have to stop, don't worry about the job, that can wait." She offered gently. When she saw Lisbon nod and stare out her window she looked back at the road letting the passing cars distract her for some time. "Can I ask you something?"

Lisbon shrugged and offered the best smile she could manage. "You can ask, I might not answer."

"Are you not happy about this?" when Lisbon's eyebrows arched up she nodded down at her lap. "Being pregnant."

Lisbon snorted. "It's complicated, very much complicated." She realized this was an opportunity to open up a little and it really couldn't hurt to talk about it to someone who wasn't Jane or even Cho. "The thing is I don't know how I got pregnant and I know that sounds absurd, absolutely ridiculous, but it's the truth. I have no recollection of… well getting pregnant."

"Wow. Wait how-no, it's, uh… how did-I mean it's…" after a moment she gave up. "I don't even know what to say."

"Yeah, I know. Let's say having a baby was one of the very last things on my to-do list. To be honest I don't even know if I wanted one anymore." She shrugged her shoulders, it felt really, really good to talk about it, maybe she should reconsider lifting the ban she'd put on therapist and shrink visits when not mandatory. "I raised my brothers, kind of, so I've already done that and I know how hard it can be. Once I did want all of it, you know, marriage, a house, kids, dogs, but along the way when none of that worked out I gave up I guess."

Fischer nodded. "I still don't get how you can be pregnant and not know it. I know you've probably been over this infinite times, but I just can't wrap my head around it."

Lisbon sighed, she was staring at her fingers interlacing in her lap. "Creepy isn't it?"

"Yeah. First things that came to mind were prime nightmare material and it's not even me, I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you."

"It's been driving me crazy." She said with an ease somewhat out of character for her. "I've been having those thoughts for a while now."

"And there is the fact that dreams tend to be even more nonsense and vivid than usual during pregnancy." She added. "What did Jane say though? Didn't he have some incredible explanation to this?"

"That's what I'd hoped, but it seems like he has his limits."

Fischer frowned she hadn't known Jane as long, but from what she did know she could tell he wasn't one to just give up, after all he'd been on a wild goose chase for almost a decade before catching Red John. "Are you sure he doesn't know anything?"

"If he does he hasn't said anything and frankly I'm way too tired to chase after him when he's avoiding me now, I trust that he'll tell me, even though I know trusting him is just poor judgment on my part." She shook her head thinking about what Jane had told her. "He's been a little over protective lately and it wouldn't surprise me if he was keeping things from me, I know old habits die hard."

"For what it's worth I'm sorry, no matter how positive an experience having a baby is itself, it has to be hard for you." Fischer offered genuinely. "Why didn't you tell Abbott? We could use FBI resources and have a better chance to get to the bottom of this, from a scientific point of view you have the father's DNA, which should be worth something, right?"

Lisbon nodded trying not to stare down at her belly. Very hard. A part of her, the maternal part of her was protecting the little life there, it was that part that'd so harshly answered the doctor when she'd put abortion on the table. The rest of her felt absolutely nothing, she strongly believed the reason behind this was the mystery that seemed to surround her pregnancy, but she hadn't found herself fantasizing what her baby looked like once, or trying to imagine if it was a girl or a boy, or anything regarding it. She had stopped thinking about her future to avoid picturing the baby. She was living day by day, not thinking, not planning, and ignoring just how much her life was going to change, the very rare, almost unique, moments she let herself wonder all she felt was paralyzing fear.

"Maybe," she sounded distant, her gaze unfocused out of her window, thoughts filling her brain to the point of overflow. "the thing is, the more I think about it, the less I want to find out, but then again not knowing has been keeping up at night for the last month."

Fischer nodded. Her contrasting feelings were definitely reasonable given the intricate mess she'd found herself in. She'd been an agent for years and that wasn't just because she'd graduated first of her class, or because she was better than average at hand to hand combat, but also thanks to her keen detective skills, the same ones that's failed to notice one of her colleagues was pregnant. She hadn't known her long and from what she'd gathered she'd been pregnant the whole time she'd known her. The first time she'd seen her, back when she'd been kidnapped, she'd been struck by her team, Jane and Cho. Not so much Jane, but Cho, he had been adamant nobody touched her, only the two of them, they'd left the FBI dealing with the scene and followed her to the hospital. For the brief time she'd seen Lisbon conscious, before she'd joined the FBI, she'd seen how her attitude and temper made up for the small stature, everyone just seemed to respect and even slightly fear her. Kim didn't recognize the woman sitting beside her. It was someone else and if she'd noticed it Jane, and Cho, surely knew and Jane, at least, was doing something about it. She didn't believe for one second he was just letting go like this.

It happened again that day, it was late and they were already settled in their room in a little motel on Little Bay, only one room, but they didn't mind. Lisbon felt her muscles tighten on one side of her abdomen. It wasn't a cramp, it was something she had never felt before. She was breathing heavily, hand pressed down rubbing the spot willing the pain to go away.

"Should I worry?" asked Fischer nodding in her general direction.

Lisbon took a couple of deep breaths. "Don't think so."

"You'd tell me though, right?" she paused. "'Cause I am starting to worry and I have no idea what that is."

"Well, that makes two of us. It's nothing bad, I think." She shrugged, the pain had eased somewhat, but wasn't gone, differently from that morning. She leant back into the pillows on her bed and closed her eyes ignoring the look the other agent was giving her. She somewhat regretted telling her everything, she didn't really want her pity, nor she needed someone else to breathe down her neck and to hover constantly over her. She'd let herself share because she's sensed Fischer would see things more like her, beyond the fact that she was a woman, Fischer didn't know her well, which seemed to help, even Cho was acting a little different around her and she'd desperately needed someone to vent. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to dump all this on you. It's really messed up."

"No worries, I don't mind, besides it sounds like you need a sounding board."

Lisbon smiled gratefully, still in pain, but she was feeling it getting better. "Thank you. Really. Cho was kind of lacking in the girl talk department."

Fischer stifled a laugh. "If you want to make him super uncomfortable. It's got to be hilarious though."

"Can you imagine Wiley?" she snickered.

"Oh he'd get red as a tomato and never talk to you again."

Lisbon sobered up and caught her phone vibrating on her nightstand. "Hey Jane."

"Having fun are we?"

She could hear Cho's voice in the background clearly. "Are you still working? It's pretty late you used to bail on me at dinner time."

"I'm not working, I'm spending some quality time with our dear Cho. How are you girls doing?"

Lisbon shrugged, knowing he didn't really care about the case, but rather was trying not to sound overprotective as he usually came across in person. "We solved the case, we'll wrap everything up tomorrow morning. What are you doing with Cho?"

"Men stuff." Oh, did he know what she actually meant.

"Jane."

"Hey woman no need to use that tone with me. Unfortunately you don't have high enough clearance and this is need to know."

She huffed in the phone. "Fine, I don't care."

"I'm not going to tell you anyway." He teased. "So, you okay today?"

"Why?" she answered way too fast. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He groaned into the phone, a decade of almost living with a world class cheat and she still couldn't lie if her life depended on it. "What happened? Were you sick again?"

"No." she scoffed. "I have been totally fine, thanks for asking."

"Lisbon, come on."

"Nothing to worry about. I have a doctor's appointment in a few days anyway." When she didn't hear anything on the other side for a while she was about to hang up.

"Can I come?"

She frowned and hesitated at his request. The problem wasn't that she didn't want him personally, but that she'd much rather go alone. "Mm, okay, if you insist."

"I insist. I'll see you when you get back, alright? Now rest and eat a big breakfast tomorrow."

She snorted into the phone. "Yeah, dad. Say hi to Cho."

It was only when she hung up that she remembered Fischer was still in the room with her. She scanned her conversation with Jane to think of anything inappropriate she might have said, but quickly relaxed back on the bed.

"It's nice." Fischer said suddenly. "He calls to check up on you." She said in a languid tone.

Lisbon chuckled. "No, it's not. It's annoying."

"Whatever you say." She dismissed her in a dreamy voice.

"If you want him you can have him you know, I'd be more than happy to extend his leash a little further."

Fischer frowned. "Isn't it Abbott who holds the leash?"

"Technically I guess." She shrugged. "But Jane tends to follow me around wherever I go, so it would only make sense that I'm the one holding it."

"Right. By the way, I didn't realize he and Cho were so close."

Lisbon sighed. "They're not. Sure we all worked together, but Cho was quick to see through Jane's crap, their bond is mostly based on their unspoken admiration for each other. That said Cho is very loyal and very protective of me and over the years Jane has been known to hurt me, not directly, but still."

"Oh. Makes sense I guess. I've seen them together a lot in the past few days I just thought I'd missed it at first."

Lisbon shook her head and smiled. "Nah, they're just keeping things from me. I haven't asked yet because I got the feeling they didn't go too far in their quest and are just playing knights in shining armor protecting me from the ugly truth, like I'm the damsel in distress, please."

Fischer sat down heavily on her own bed. They had a beautiful view of the beach from their room, but she could only stare at the waves for so long before it became boring. "You're okay with that?"

"Not really, but as I said, I'm tired enough as it is and trying to get Jane to come clean about something takes some effort."

Fischer nodded and settled into her own bed. "Right. Are you going to be okay for the night?"

Lisbon scowled at her. "You know I liked you better when you didn't worry too."

"Ha. But I do, if not about you, I dread what your knights in shining armor would do with me if I let anything happen to you."

"Unbelievable. And here I thought I was a fully functioning, self-sufficient adult, go figures." Lisbon joked, knowing some of the worry and the hovering was completely normal given that she was pregnant and the extra from Jane was most likely due to her own lack of worry and anxiousness.

"Jokes apart, just wake me up if something's wrong, goodnight both of you." She yawned and turned into her pillow and was literally out in the matter of seconds.

Fischer's last comment had fueled the dread she'd been feeling inside all day. She never let herself think about the baby she was carrying, never. She knew it was stupid and it didn't make sense, but she felt that as long as she didn't think about it, it wasn't really there. A little voice inside of her kept on telling her she could have put a stop to this, didn't have to go through with the whole thing, but then her cross would feel somewhat heavier around her neck. Part of her maybe even wanted this baby, the same part that years prior had taken pity on Jane and given him a chance, the same that raised her brothers when no one else would, adding up there was her insane attraction to lost causes. She brushed away all of her thoughts and let exhaustion get the best of her.

Two days later she was sitting in her doctor's exam room, Jane sitting on a plastic stool, observing the posters hanging on the wall, all the pictures and plastic models of growing fetuses and the instruments around. It was hard to tell who was more uncomfortable out of the two of them. He'd taken her off guard when he'd asked to come along and now she was partially regretting it, although the sight of a very uncomfortable Jane was something she had never seen and was definitely worth seeing. She'd wanted to tell him not to be anxious he'd already done all of this and it probably hadn't changed much in fifteen years, but rather than opening that can of worms she'd let the tension float in the room. She didn't know why he'd asked to come and she hadn't asked. When she'd broken up with Marcus she'd realized her baby had been conceived right around the time they'd killed Red John. She'd always known, but had somehow never put the two together and Jane's dismissal that her pregnancy had anything to do with it had, in a first moment, calmed her fears, but as the fog slowly lifted from her brain it became more and more obvious that wasn't true. She was irrationally hoping the doctor would tell her they'd made a mistake in dating her pregnancy, that it could be Pike's baby, not an ideal situation either, but the more it seemed that Red John was connected to the baby, the more she found herself in total and utter denial.

Jane was lost in thought and jumped a little when the doctor entered the room. "Hey there, Teresa," she put the folder she was holding on one of the counters and gave Jane an odd look. "who's this one?"

Ever the charmer Jane stood and shook the doctor's hand while giving her a big smile. "Patrick. I'm Teresa's friend."

"Oh, it's very nice of you to come with her."

"I insisted."

"Very well," she turned to Lisbon. "lay down and lift your shirt."

Blood rushed to her cheeks, for a moment she contemplated telling Jane to leave the room and wait for her outside. After a few seconds, though, she lifted up her shirt and the doctor started poking and prodding her abdomen. "Not very big, uh? How for did you say you were?"

"About twelve weeks."

The doctor nodded and sat down in her own plastic chair by her side, opposite to Jane, and rolled the ultrasound machine closer. The gel felt freezing on her skin and Lisbon shook her head thinking how every doctor always wears the same sympathetic look when they warn their patients about it. "Let's take a look at the little one."

She turned toward Jane, who was staring at the monitor looking inexplicably cheerful. She wasn't. Not happy, not eager, she didn't feel anticipation excitement when a little white silhouette appears on the screen, a stark contrast to the black background. It looked different than it did the last time she'd seen it, she remembered a little white blob, it had been even impossible to distinguish the head from the body. The blob has grown into a baby, well something looking more like a baby than the blob, she could see little arms and legs, head and body distinct and she could see the profile of the face. The more she looked at it, wishing to feel the same as she had the first time she'd seen it, happy and scared, her chest heavy with so much more than she could explain, her fingers tingling with excitement; the more she felt a burning sensation in her eyes and a familiar ache in her heart. Another quick look at Jane told her he was beaming at the screen, a glint in his eyes made her chest hurt even more.

"Everything looks to be perfect. Your baby is perfectly developed and is very active. It should be around the size of a lime." The doctor took the ultrasound wand away and gave her something to clean herself up. "However it's still a little small. Nothing alarming, but the baby's weight it's a crucial element later on in the pregnancy. Now there are various reasons that would cause a baby to be small for gestational age, yours is early onset and is quite worrisome, but I've read your file and I think we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves."

Lisbon nodded. She felt in a daze. Was the doctor telling her there was something wrong? She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

"Can it cause permanent damage?" Jane asked noticing the blank look in her eyes.

The doctor tilted her head looking through the file. "Some of the causes are high blood pressure and anemia. I understand your situation is particular and I'm sure quite stressful, it would be a wonder if you weren't stressed and coupled with your job…" she waved a hand. "There is no cure and while it might not cause permanent damage to the fetus, it poses several dangerous risks such as low oxygen levels, hypoglycemia, polycythemia and-"

"Okay, we get it." Said Jane interrupting the doctor. He was squeezing Lisbon's hand.

The doctor smiled reassuringly at her. "I'm going to be honest, I think you've been letting stress and nervousness get in the way of taking proper care of yourself. If I'm right, by eating a little more and better, resting and decreasing the stress level in your life your baby would benefit greatly."

"What if you're wrong?"

"Well Teresa there are a lot more serious causes that would explain a small baby, but I don't think it's your case. You are healthy, with no history of any of the factors that would cause this and I know you're an FBI Agent, so stress in your life is a constant, let the people around you take care of you, despite everything you think you don't have to do this alone."

Lisbon nodded, she couldn't look at Jane, couldn't deal the look on his face, she only squeezed his hand before letting it go. She sat up wincing a little as the pain in her side made itself known once again.

"What's wrong?" asked Jane worriedly, attracting the attention of the doctor.

She shook her head. "It's nothing."

But the doctor took charge of the situation and pressed a hand down her side feeling up the muscles contracting. "Has it been hurting much lately?"

"No, not really. Sometime it gets worse, but it's discomfort more than pain." Ignoring Jane's disapproving look she turned to face the doctor. "It' not something bad, is it?"

"Sounds like it's round ligament pain." She smiled reassuringly again. "Nothing to worry about, it's just uncomfortable. It's your body making room for the baby."

The doctor moved to sit behind her desk, adding to Lisbon's file the new pictures. "What do you want to do about paternity?"

"What about it?"

"Well usually we gather medical history from both parents, but in your case we can't do that. I was wandering if you were considering any kind of paternity testing."

Lisbon sighed and looked at her lap, escaping from the doctor's gaze. "I hadn't considered it yet."

The doctor then nodded. "That's okay, it would be too early now anyway, but I wanted to recommend amniocentesis in your case, not for a few weeks, but, also considering your age, it would be for the best."

"What is it exactly?"

"Basically with a sample of amniotic fluid it's possible to determine eventual chromosomal abnormalities or genetic disorders and you'd have the baby's DNA for an eventual paternity test. It's very common practice in mothers over thirty-five, the risks are minimal and the results and considerably important."

Lisbon frowned. "What kind of risks are we talking about?"

The doctor shrugged her shoulders. "Just like every medical procedure it presents some risks, but-"

"What are the risks?" she asked in a firmer tone.

"Worst case scenario is miscarriage, but it happens only-"

Lisbon shook her head. "No. I'm not going to do it."

"It's okay. You have time to think about it, it can be performed at the latest around twenty-two weeks. I do strongly recommend it though."

Lisbon nodded, but didn't give into the doctor's plea or Jane's gaze. She stood collecting her folder. "I'll think about it, but I don't want to take any risks."

The doctor nodded. "Understandable, I'll see you in a few weeks, then?"

She nodded and left the room not even glancing back to see if Jane was behind her. She'd started the car before Jane had a chance to get into the passenger seat. She was definitely going crazy. Earlier on she hadn't been able to look at the image on the ultrasound monitor, she'd turned away, the more she looked the more she hated herself for not feeling the way she should, granted everyone's experience was different, but she just wasn't interested. When she'd thought the baby was Pike's she'd had it, the happy parent feeling, when she'd heard the baby's heartbeat she'd wanted to cry and then now she wanted to cry again, but for totally different reasons. When she'd seen the outline of her baby on the monitor she hadn't felt attached, she felt the same as if she'd been staring at someone else's ultrasound, someone she didn't know, didn't care about. She wanted to, desperately, evidently she subconsciously wanted the baby and did everything possible to protect it, but she couldn't help but think that if she hadn't kept it her life wouldn't be a going down a downward spiral, dragging her friends along with her.

Once at her place she stopped the car and realized Jane was sitting beside her. He was quick to calm the confusion on her face by getting out of the car and walking to her front door waiting patiently for her. She unlocked it and both went inside shedding their jackets on the back of her couch. He took charge and motioned her to sit on the couch while he excused himself to make them both tea. Exhaustion, stress, frustration, fear all caught up with her as soon as she was in the confines of her house and she let it go. She'd gotten better at controlling her hormones and the crying had somewhat lessened.

Jane came back to find her shaking holding her face in her hands. He quietly put the steaming cups down and sat beside her pulling her to him with an arm around her shoulders. He rubbed her shoulder and laid his cheek against the side of her head. "Shh, it's going to be okay. We'll figure it out."

Then she surprised him. She abruptly stood and gave him a look that could have killed him. "No, stop it. Stop saying it's going to be okay! It's not!" she practically yelled. "Everything's so screwed up and there's nothing you or I or anyone can do about it!"

He was unsure what to do, taken aback by her sudden outburst he was momentarily at loss as how to react. He wasn't going to be patronizing and tell her they would figure it out, that it would get better, but he couldn't even let her resign to the situation, this wasn't his Lisbon, she would never let something go without a fight. _His _Lisbon? He patted the space next to him, his gaze downcast. When she sat back down next to him he took his cup and drunk some of its content.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was small, soft, just above a whisper. "I didn't mean to yell, but I mean what I said."

He nodded. "Okay. You don't have to apologize, though."

"Jane." She warned.

He tilted his head and smiled. "No, I know hormones are terrible, I've seen it and learned that it's not your fault. It's not true you're messed up for life, you know?"

"Yeah, right." She snorted.

He gave her another smile and took her hands in his. "It doesn't matter how bad things feel right now, okay? And things will most likely get worse before they get better, but hey, here" he moved her hands over her belly. "there is a baby, you might not realized it now, but babies can work magic. It's hard to understand to someone who's never felt it first hand, but the moment you will hold your baby everything will change and you won't care about how, where, when or even who. You'll just be overwhelmingly happy, I could bet on it."

They both had tears in their eyes, Lisbon had tears flowing freely down her face. He was thinking about Charlotte, she'd seen that look on her face only when he'd talk about her and occasionally a shadow of it whenever he was around babies and little kids. She was crying because it was so wrong. He might have a point, but even the majestic Patrick Jane wasn't always right. "I appreciate the effort, but Jane, I-I don't… feel it. Any of it. When I think about it I only feel scared and panicky, not in the good way, like I don't want it." She had a feeling she wasn't being clear enough to make sure he understood her. "Jane I, uh, I don't feel anything when I look at it. The baby, I just don't. I know it makes me a horrible person, but I really don't feel anything for it. I doubt it's going to fix anything."

His hand moved up to her cheek, she shivered at the touch, feeling the coolness of his hand against her fevered skin. "You should relax and listen to your doctor, let people take care of you. Let me be there for you. I am here. Whatever happens."

"I don't know about that Jane." He frowned, he couldn't read her, the hormones wrecking her emotions in a way that made her completely unpredictable. "I'm not stupid, you know. This baby was somehow created right around the time I was taken by Red John. I don't know what you and Cho are doing and hiding from me, but it's not like it hasn't crossed my mind." She sat up, breaking contact with him, avoiding his eyes. "I have absolutely no idea how, but I can't help but thinking he had something to do with it. Nobody gets pregnant randomly, out of the blue, it would make sense that it was him."

Jane nodded slowly. He and Cho had been making progress in another direction, despite Cho's conviction that the baby was Red John's doing, he'd agreed to explore any other possible way first. Jane was the first to admit he was in denial about this. He didn't want to admit it because it would mean adding to his own guilt and he couldn't bear to think that she was feeling the way she was because of him. "If you're right, then why would he do something like this?"

"I don't know. I have no idea. The only thing I know is that when Red John's involved you are known to disappear, go rogue, vanish."

"I'm not going to. He's dead."

She scoffed and stood, obviously she didn't believe him. "I'm really tired, I'm going to take a nap. You're welcome to stay if you want."

"Wait, you'll get around to the idea of having a baby, trust me."

"Sure." Her response was sardonic at best.

Jane struggled to find the right combination of words as not to upset her any further, but didn't come up with anything before she disappeared down the hallway muttering something that sounded dreadfully like _I shouldn't have kept it_.


	5. Chapter 5

After their non-fight Jane and Lisbon had made a point of avoiding each other, though, for completely different reasons. Jane felt guilty and had seriously considered disappearing for a little while, he needed to think and he couldn't if he was working, he had resisted the urge because that's what she'd said he would do. He wasn't trying to prove her wrong, but simply was proving to himself that he could at least attempt to change his ways, the need to leave and travel came with his carney heritage, but running from the people he cared about and that cared about him had instead come as package of the Red John experience. Also Jane had made a point of staying to keep an eye on her, what Lisbon had been told by her doctor had worried him, mainly because he truly believed she was right, Lisbon hadn't been taking care of herself properly and didn't seem to want to do anything about that. The fact that she couldn't connect with her baby was due to the uncertainty of its paternity and, although he could see that she did want it, she was either consciously or unconsciously trying to sabotage it ever since she'd convinced herself Red John had played a part in her pregnancy.

Lisbon, on her part, was mad at him and was aware her ire was misplaced. Every time she thought about her bay all she could see was Thomas McAllister's face. She'd resigned herself to the idea that Red John was the one responsible for the life growing inside of her and she couldn't bring herself to get mad at Jane seriously because she would feel horrible since he'd been there for her a lot in the past weeks.

He heard Cho knocking at the door. They'd been meeting a few times to discuss their side investigation away from Lisbon's prying eyes and ears and the Airstream was the safest place, she wholeheartedly hated the silver motor home. To his surprise it wasn't Cho at the door. "Fischer, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Can I come in?"

"But of course," he opened the door and stepped aside. "Mi casa es tu casa."

"Two things. First I got Abbott's okay to reexamine the Red John's evidence, no" she stopped him from interrupting. "I didn't tell him why and yes Lisbon told me almost all of it. Secondly I wanted to make sure you are getting somewhere with whatever you are doing with Cho because she's really putting a lot of faith in you."

"Oh." Jane was positively stunned. Lisbon sharing? Making friends with female coworkers? He was right about to check the sky for flying pigs and then remembered he was in a parking lot and all he would see was the cement ceiling. He hadn't noticed she was craving female company and she would need it more and more in the upcoming months, after all she couldn't just call her mother and talk to her. Fischer's move had been impressive, too, he conceded. "Well, thank you, it's been all processed by your tech, but a fresh pair of eyes and a fake psychic might offer new perspective. It's really nice of you to do this for her."

"Jane I don't know her as well as you do, but she's not okay, I'd say about the opposite." She scolded.

He nodded. "I know, trust me, I do. I'm almost positive solving the pregnancy mystery is going to help her some."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? Because she told me Red John had something to do with it for sure and that maybe she'd be better off not knowing."

"Meh." He waved his hand. "Lisbon is a control freak and she's right Red John most likely played a part in it, we are trying to prove it or prove he didn't."

"Just take care of her." Fischer nodded and quietly left almost bumping into Cho on her way out.

Cho's news was not very helpful. He'd talked to his friend, the doctor, but she was a trauma surgeon who'd worked in Iraq and Afghanistan ever since graduating,w she hadn't been able to help much. One thing he'd managed to learn is that if Red John had indeed been the one to engineer Lisbon's pregnancy, since there had been no signs of rape, he must have had there with him a medical professional. It was thin and hard to prove. Maybe going over the evidence would bring a more substantial break.

Abbott had been understanding when, after swearing up and down they would eventually tell him the whole truth, he'd let Jane and Cho conduct their side thing during work hours without any real explanation, the evidence locker was not open after hours and they didn't have access to computers or techs to possibly reexamine something. They were looking at DNA and prints and anything else, excluding Lisbon and Red John's tagged samples, with the idea that there had to have been someone else there. It proved to be quite a hard task, the abandoned warehouse hadn't been so abandoned after all, the crime scene techs had recovered hundreds of prints and various samples, ruling out most because they belonged to people who couldn't have possibly been there.

The break came when Wylie got creative and tried to work something on the few partial prints recovered that hadn't been enough for a match. There were over thirty, but with some time and a lot more patience he was able to put a few usable prints together. Most belonged to the shady individuals who'd done business in the warehouse, but had no connection to their case, while a couple turned out to be Erika Flanagan's prints. "Guys." He called attracting everyone's attention in the bullpen, minus Lisbon and Fischer who'd gone out for lunch. "I think I've got something."

Jane and Cho huddled by his desk looking at him expectantly.

"Well I decided to put together some of the partial prints who'd turned out to be unusable because too small for a match. There were a lot and it took me a long time, it was like putting together a puzzle with no idea what it would turn out and frankly I wasn't able to put them all together-" Cho gave him a stern look. "Right, I'm rambling. Long story short I got a new match." He pulled up a picture of the woman. "This is Doctor Erika Flanagan, pediatrician, works in a private practice in Modesto. Does it help in any way?"

Jane gave him a broad smile and a pat on one shoulder. "This is impressive work Wylie. Could be nothing, but it's something new."

"He's right, good work." Added Cho.

"Thanks." He smiled, his eyes sparkling at Cho's compliment, knowing they were hard to come by.

Jane sat back on his couch and closed his eyes reaching a level of concentration he rarely needed to know what he needed. The name told him something and he was looking all around his memory palace for an answer. Erika Flanagan. Erika, the face of Erica Flynn came up. But why? Erica was a fugitive, what if this was her? No, she was smart enough not to keep her name in whatever new identity she'd assumed. Erica, strong name, meaning endless, ever-ruler. An imaginary light bulb lit right above his head. "Wylie. What does the name Flanagan mean?"

The analyst typed away on his computer. "It's Irish, means ruddy."

"Think it's related to our case? It could just be a coincidence." Cho reasoned.

Jane shook his head and patted the spot beside him on the couch so they could talk as privately as the bullpen allowed. "You know fully well with Red John there is no such thing as coincidence. The name Erika means endless, Flanagan means ruddy, red."

"Endless red. The note." Cho groaned. "Damn. You should tell Lisbon."

"As soon as we come back. No need to stress her unnecessarily."

Abbott was not happy with the Cho's request. He had, however, granted him and Jane permission to fly to Modesto after an indefinite break in their investigation. He trusted Cho, he hadn't known the man for long, but his file spoke for itself. He categorically didn't trust Jane, no one in their right mind would, except maybe Lisbon, so he and Cho went on their own time there not wanting anything that could go wrong, with a push from Jane, to be traced back to the FBI or himself. When Fischer had come in to ask him permission to reopen that case he'd found it strange, but it was now clear it might not have been her idea. He shook his head as the agent and consultant left his office in a hurry and realized Wylie and Lisbon were his only agents who weren't sneaking around doing God knows what, God knows why. The fact that he had been kept in the dark was something new he was trying as team leader, he should probably ask Lisbon how well it really worked, but nevertheless with Jane it was obvious standard protocol wasn't always the right way to go about things.

The morning after they went to speak to Erika Flanagan. Mindful that they couldn't use their badges or rely on the Agency they sat patiently in the waiting room with the promise that as soon as the doctor had some time she'd see them. Jane found it rather amusing, he loved children and had an awesome time showing the little patients magic tricks and telling them stories while Cho, after three hours, decided to commit to a childless life. A nurse led them to the doctor's office, which sported brightly colored walls with all kinds of Disney character prints on them, toys were scattered everywhere, Cho wondered how she even got any work done with such a mess.

"I'm Kimball Cho and this is Patrick Jane. We work with the FBI, but we're off-duty so anything you tell us is off the record" he started, the whole agent façade betrayed his intentions to be accommodating knowing she could throw them out in seconds. The woman nodded and let him continue. "What do you know about a man called Red John?"

She shrugged. "Not much really, what the new said. He was a serial killer, wasn't he?"

"The most prolific California had seen in a while." Cho looked for a reaction. "And what can you tell me about Thomas McAllister?"

She scrunched her nose, obviously thinking. "I'm afraid I don't know anyone by that name. What is going on?"

Cho turned to Jane, who nodded, confirming she was being honest. "Your prints were found in the warehouse where he died."

The doctor frowned and leaned her head back with an expression of mild shock on her face. "Where?"

"It doesn't matter. We are talking about mid-late August."

She shook her head again. "Look, I was hiking in the Kit Fox Hills at that time so I don't know how I could have been in your warehouse."

"Are you sure? For all that time?" Jane piped in.

"Of course I am."

Hiking? The chunky build of the woman suggested someone who didn't regularly work out and wasn't in shape. Considering her height and approximate weight there was no way she would go hiking. Plus is his memory didn't serve him wrong that was a particularly long trail in the Death Valley National Park, not something for amateur hikers for sure. "Erika," he used his smooth voice. "look into my eyes. Relax and listen to my voice…" he went on like that for a short while, the woman's eyes locked with his. Ignoring Cho's disapproving gaze he continued. "Do you like hiking?"

She shook her head abruptly. "No, don't like sports."

Jane smiled, just because he was right. Red John was definitely not the sloppy type and it made sense that he would hypnotize her to forget anything that'd happened. "Erika wake up." He waited until her eyes opened and before she realized he'd done something to her. "Sorry, I put you in a light trance. I had a hunch and I was right."

"Trance? Why? What do you want people? I don't know anything of this murderer of how you found my print, please leave." She almost shouted, her eyes red and angry.

"Ma'am please. I can explain." Cho stepped up diplomatically. "Mr. Jane hypnotized you because he didn't believe you went hiking and you confirmed it."

"Well couldn't he have asked me directly? Besides I did go hiking." she scoffed.

Cho shook his head firmly. "We believed Red John hypnotized you putting in a suggestion that you actually went and if we asked you directly you would have confirmed it, you were made believe that. Sorry."

"What does this mean?"

Jane tilted his head pensively. "What do know about pregnancy?"

She shook her head sadly. "Not much personally, but I used to volunteer in a fertility clinic during my residency."

His eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. "Would you be able to get someone pregnant?" at the stunned expression of the doctor he expanded, remembering she didn't know where he was coming from. "Using those new artificial mumbo jumbo ways…"

"Well most require a specialized structure and several machines and equipment I don't have, I have seen those performed a lot of times, but frankly I'm not sure I'd be able to actually do it." She let out a deep breath. "It requires a long time and several steps-"

"How about in a few hours?"

She shook her head amused. "No, as I said most are complicated procedures and require months of preparation without counting the effectiveness."

Jane nodded. He was completely sure whatever Red John had planned and put into action hadn't been the fruit of months of preparation, he hadn't had the proper time to plan it, so this couldn't be it. Maybe this wasn't related to Red John after all? Hope pushed its way through all of his emotions, but soon disappeared when his rational thought came back. "Are you sure there is no way?"

He stared at the doctor thinking, occasionally shaking her head. "The only thing I can think of is artificial insemination. The procedure itself is very quick and relatively non-invasive. However it still requires months of treatment with fertility drugs and the proper tools, nothing extraordinary, but still-"

"Hypothetically speaking," Jane stopped her monolog. "if you had these tools could you perform it and be done in a matter of hours?"

The doctor grimaced and laced her hands leaning on her desk. "It's a moderately easy procedure, basically donor sperm is injected into the uterus with-"

"Please." Cho shut his eyes, that was not a mental image of his boss he wanted to have. "Let's skip the details."

"That's what the procedure entails. It is done in a matter of minutes and the patient has to stay perfectly still for a few hours. So yes, I guess, hypothetically I could perform it." She confirmed. Before she could ask any more questions she was interrupted.

"Thank you for your time." Cho stood up and walked to the door.

"Wait!" she stared at both of them. "Aren't you going to explain what is going on?"

"Agent Teresa Lisbon was kidnapped by this man, Red John, and we think you helped him-"

She suddenly had an absent look in her eyes, she was still for a good minute before opening one of her desk drawers and pulling out a box. She handed Jane the box. "Congratulations, Patrick." She smirked not looking like herself. "Give Teresa my gift."

"What the hell Jane?" Cho asked from the doorway.

He shrugged his shoulders. "This is not my handiwork. It's Red John's." he looked at the woman sitting still in her chair with a vacant look in her eyes. He gave her a little pat on the shoulder and she seemed to regain her focus. Cho tilted his head. "You taking care of this?"

Cho gave Jane a look and left the doctor's office. When Jane reached him a few minutes later in the waiting room he shrugged "We were here to look for a pediatrician for our child. She won't remember a word we have told her." And without giving him a second look he rushed to their car. He needed to think, hard. Cho understood that.

"Really?" He did not look amused in the least. "That's the best you could come up with?"

Jane rolled his eyes. "I'm not thinking at full capacity, give me a break. Besides what could two men want from a pediatrician?"

The rest of their journey home was surprisingly quiet. Cho didn't ask anything and Jane didn't bother to explain, but rather let his brain work.

"You okay?"

Jane walked back into the bullpen clutching the cardboard box the doctor had given him. looking around to find Lisbon he realized her things weren't there. He tried to peek into Fischer's office, he and Cho had been gone a day, he had no idea if they had to travel for their case. Not only her things were in her office, but she sat behind her desk working. He took a few steps to her office stopping in the doorway. Not looking up from the file spread in front of her. "Jane, how can I help you?"

"Where's Lisbon?"

Then she looked up and frowned at his appearance, he looked as though he hadn't slept in a couple of days. He was rumpled, his hair sticking out in every direction and he was holding. "At home. She might come in later."

He instantly worried. "Why is she at home?"

"She said she wasn't been feeling well." She shrugged.

Jane fidgeted for a moment. "Okay. If Abbott asks I went to see her." He nodded briskly and turned to leave.

"Jane Abbott wants you here to explain the situation." She said matter-of-factly, not reprimanding him.

He shook his head quickly. "No, no I can't. Cho can do that, i have to go see Lisbon."

Fischer didn't budge. "He explicitly asked for you and Cho. My advice is to see Abbott and then go to Lisbon."

He left the little box on Lisbon's desk and made his way to the boss' office. He left Cho the job to explain everything that'd been going on as his mind was miles away from that room. He was thinking about Lisbon, what he would tell her, how she was going to react, how this was going to impact their friendship. His worry momentarily shifted to the fact that she had called in sick, something she never ever did, she never skipped work unless she was suspended or on medical leave, not cleared for duty. Sure she'd taken a couple of days after she'd fainted and discovered she was pregnant, but that was shock more than anything. The continuous flow of his thoughts and worries didn't allow him to solve the puzzle, why? Why would Red John do something like this? It made absolutely no sense whatsoever, he was a killed and yes, known for his mental twisted games with him, but this time he couldn't put the pieces together. Whatever was in the box would probably be one more piece in the puzzle, but on the bright side could shed some light to the situation. Jane didn't hear a word Cho said and kept his eyes on Abbott, although he wasn't really looking. He didn't realize how long they'd been in there until he saw that the sun was setting outside his window.

"… I'm very sorry to hear this." He heard his boss finish whatever elaborate speech he'd come up with.

When he walked back in the bullpen Fischer had left and Wylie was packing his things up, with a quick glance to Lisbon's desk he noticed the little box was gone. "Did Lisbon come in?"

Wylie shrugged. "Yeah, about two hours ago, took some files and left."

Jane nodded and left going for the Airstream. He had to go see her, tell her what they'd found out in the last few days, tell her about Red John's card, something he should have done months before. He was fidgeting in the elevator, it was stopping at every single floor and it was taking him forever to get down to the garage, he briefly wondered if it would have taken him less if he'd taken the stairs. No, he was too distracted to take the stairs. Although he was feeling like, just this once, he'd be allowed to be a chicken and wait until tomorrow, or maybe the day after, or the day he'd eventually get to the bottom of this. His musings were interrupted when he saw someone sitting on the little step in front of the Airstream. Not just someone, it was exactly who he was going to see, she must've opened the box.

"Finally." She greeted him dryly.

"Hey." He moved to open the door and let them both inside. "What are you doing here? Fischer told me you were sick."

She shook her head. "It was nothing."

His eyebrows rose as he sat on one of the seats at the little table patting the couch in front of him. "It was enough to call in sick." He insisted.

"I wasn't feeling well enough to go into work, that's it. Now I believe you have some explaining to do. Starting from this." She fished the box out of her bag, she'd opened it, but the lid was closed. She set it on the table and gave him a pointed look.

"Yes I should start from the beginning and, for what it's worth, I didn't tell you this to protect you, because I thought it was the right thing to do."

She sat back frowning. "I don't like it already."

Jane nodded and took a deep breath. The more he tried to relax the more she grew tense and worried. He reached inside his jacket and pulled out the card and put it face down on the table, gently pushing it towards her, but didn't take his finger off of it, so she couldn't snatch it up and read it before he had a chance to explain. "The day Red John was shot he handed me this. I didn't tell you and Cho and the FBI about it because I didn't believe it was anything to be worried about. I truly believed he'd seen his end getting closer and had run out of ways to torture me and hoped what is written in it would leave a doubt that kept me up at night. It wasn't until recently that Cho suggested I've been more of an idiot than usual not showing you this."

Lisbon nodded and picked it up from the table reading it. He could see her face pale as she read it. The anger on her face when she put it back on the table was something that scared him beyond belief, if it hadn't been for the tears in her eyes, he was sure she could have killed him on the spot. "Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered. Angry, frustrated, crying. "You're supposed to be the smartest person around, how did you think hiding this would protect me!"

He reached a hand toward her to comfort her, but she swatted it away. "I can't believe I fell for it! I trusted you, I trusted you when you told me we'd figure it out! You…" the violent sobs made it harder to talk. "Dammit Jane. It's… Oh my God." Her hand flew to her round stomach. "Oh my God."

"Lisbon I-"

"No. Not one word Jane. We're done. It's over, this-this is too much." She stood shakily, crying, her eyes red, puffy, tears down her face. "This baby…" she kept her hand over it. "It's your fault." She said, barely audible. She'd stood up too quickly and felt dizzy all over. She leant against the counter behind her for support and stayed there, crying with her face in her hands. "I guess that makes sense now, where did you get it?" she nodded to the box, still on the table, wiping her eyes, her voice catching in her throat.

"We found the woman who helped him do that," he pointed to her belly. "she was hypnotized and at the mention of your name gave me that."

"Cho knows about this?" At his small nod she snorted, more tears found their way down her face. "Of course. Look at it."

Jane opened it up and definitely wasn't ready for what was inside, his insides turning at the sight, he couldn't speak, couldn't move. Seeing Jane still and about to break down-she'd seen that look on his face a few rare times-having calmed down a little, she looked at the item on the table, when she'd opened the box she'd been thoroughly confused. It was a plush lamb, small enough that it could fit into a hand, it looked like something you'd give an infant, it was soft all over, but the dirty and felted fur were clearly proof it was not new and had saying it was used a lot would be putting it mildly. In some areas the fur had come off and the nose looked as if it'd been chewed on repeatedly. "The lamb," She offered in a hoarse voice. "and the tiger. Smart. Jane?"

He was caressing the toy with tears down his face. "This was Charlotte's. I got her this the day she was born." He was smoothing the fur with his thumb.

Lisbon felt some of her anger lift and felt bad for yelling at him earlier. "I'm so sorry Jane…"

Jane felt so much inside. The little lambie was a reminder of the day his daughter was born, the first time he held her into his arms, it was in the first ever picture he took of her and it was a favorite. He bitterly remembered she wouldn't go to sleep it she didn't have the plushy lamb. She'd insisted in taking it with her the first day of school, she'd said that it would make her feel as though had daddy was there with her. The little girl firmly believed it would protect her because it was magical and at night fought away all the monsters. The night he'd come home to find Charlotte and her mother brutally slaughtered his mind hadn't registered the little thing wasn't there and later on he hadn't been sane enough to think about it. Tracing with his finger on the seam he smiled as he recalled when Angela had opened the lamb's belly and put in a scrap of a work shirt of his and closed it back. His baby girl had started sleeping a lot better after that. Looking closely at the seam he didn't recognize his wife's work. It had been opened and closed.

He swiftly got to the kitchenette and grabbed a pair of scissors and opened it up gently, careful not to do any damage. Feeling among the downy insides of the little animal he didn't find his shirt, but another card. There was copied on Blake's poem, 'The Lamb'. He flipped it, on the other side it said _say take care of Teresa_, a smiley face drawn below it.

He handed it to her. She read it and then carefully set it back on the table, letting herself sit back on the couch, shaking, holding her head in her hands. Jane's tears hadn't stopped for a second. "Lisbon-"

"Please." She sobbed. "Please don't say anything."

"No, I-"

"No! Nothing you say can make this any better! Do you have any idea what that means?" she said rhetorically.

Jane snorted. "Of course I do."

She nodded. "Yes, of course you do." Then she added bitterly. "At least you got that back, I imagine you wondered where you'd lost it."

"You have no idea what you are talking about." He spat angrily. The pain, the loss and the guilt were fogging his mind.

She shook her head, Red John was the indeed the gift that kept on giving. Anger was still making it hard for her to sympathize with Jane and self-pity made her want to curl into a ball and forget everything she knew. Start over. Finally everything was clear in her head. It didn't help, but it was what she'd wanted. "I do and I'm going, please stop pretending to care from now on, I don't need it."

Jane looked at her with bewildered eyes. "You are so out of your depth, you have no idea-"

"No Jane!" she yelled, not caring she was in the FBI's garage. "You are! Don't you see where trusting you got me?"

His eyes filled with something she thought was loathing stared back. "Maybe you were right, you know?" the sarcasm in his voice made it sound shallow and mean. "You shouldn't have kept it."

She looked down not even bothering to wipe her tears anymore, a hand safely wrapped around her baby. "This is my life he managed to screw over, because of you." She felt sick. She stood, careful not to make herself dizzy, she had to drive herself home. "Stay away from me Jane." She stepped out of the Airstream without turning once. She walked unsteadily to her car and leaned on it once there, letting the tears flow, she hugged herself while shaking with sobs. When a hand touched her, she jumped, ready to yell at who she thought was Jane. Her surprised eyes, however saw Cho.

"I'll drive you home." He offered gently.

She brusquely moved away from him. "I can drive myself. I don't need any help." She snapped and hopped in the car closing the door and starting the engine.

Cho watched her drive away, unsure whether to follow her and see for himself she was okay enough to be alone or let her have some space. Telling everything to Abbott had been upsetting enough for him and, even if he didn't let it show, he'd needed a break from Red John, Jane and Lisbon. Letting files distract him, he'd let a couple hours pass before he'd found himself on his way home. Once in the garage, though, he'd seen Lisbon's car, so he walked to the Airstream. As he got closer he heard them yelling at each other, mainly Lisbon yelling at Jane. Cho had decided to stay without interfering. After Lisbon drove away he stalked back to the motor home ready to tear Jane a new one, seeing the state he'd found Lisbon in. he had to refrain though. Peeking through one of the windows he caught a glimpse of the blond in a similar state and decided neither of them was to blame. He knew who was to blame and he was ready as ever to shoot him again if it would make things even a little better. Exhaling slowly he made his way back to his car, hoping this wasn't as bad as he thought it was, hoping sleeping over whatever happened left both his former boss and colleague in the right state of mind to try and work it out. Hoping neither would do anything stupid meanwhile .

* * *

_A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewd/followed/favorited the story, for some reason I can't do it any other way, it's nice to know I'm not just writing this for myself and I'm not the only one to find this intresting._


	6. Chapter 6

Lisbon was summoned to Abbott's office the second she set foot into the office on Monday morning. Taking Friday off had seemed like a good idea and she'd spent her long weekend trying to sort out her life. When she'd stormed out of the Airstream she hadn't been thinking straight, she'd been a little overwhelmed, too many things had been dumped on her in a matter of minutes and she hadn't even had the time to let anything sink in before lashing out at Jane. Deep down she knew she'd overreacted, but, even if she could blame part of it on the hormones, the rest she still firmly believed to be Jane's fault, or, at the very least, she was convinced he should have told her everything instead of insisting on protecting her by lying. That night she'd let herself go, she'd let herself be mad, but the realization that it wasn't Jane she'd been mad at struck her a day too late. Nevertheless she didn't make a move to call him or to apologize in any way. Regarding her pregnancy all these news had led to an epiphany, she did want this baby. She'd been the one to say, repeatedly, that maybe she shouldn't have kept it, but hearing Jane say so -in outrage, but still- had set off something in her brain, in her body chemistry and Saturday morning she'd found herself shopping for healthy food, taking a nap after lunch and enjoying a long bubble bath. The fact that she knew Red John was involved, something she'd suspected anyway, was what had angered her and what she'd wanted Jane to feel guilty about, it was true after all, if they hadn't been so close she wouldn't be pregnant, possibly with a serial killer's baby, but he hadn't been the one to actually do it, she'd realized, it was the same as saying he was guilty of the murder of his family for slandering Red John on camera.

In a renewed zen like perspective Lisbon had decided to stop her previous anxiousness and obsession regarding her baby's paternity were due to the circumstances she'd found herself in, wishing until the last moment to be told that her baby had a father, a good man, who might want to spend the rest of his life with her. She'd hoped it would be Pike, not because of him in particular, but he was the man she'd always imagined herself with on the long run. Now that part of the truth had been uncovered she'd found she didn't want to know the rest of it. Jane had once again been right, she couldn't have known what was under the rock before she turned it, but with her current knowledge the best thing to do was to go on as it was. The baby was hers and hers alone, she could do it and she intended to.

She walked into her boss' office, closed the door behind her and sat in one of the chairs. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I wanted to talk to you about a few things, actually, but, first, how are you feeling?"

She offered a polite smile. "Better. I'm sorry for taking so much-"

"Don't. I understand completely." he interrupted. "On that note I'd love for you to explain a few things I do not understand. For starters what's been going on with you and Jane?"

A frown formed on her face, he'd have to be a little more specific. "Sir…?"

He took a big breath and placed both of his hands flat on the table. "Look Teresa, I haven't known you, Jane or Cho that long, but I need to know what is going on, especially if it regards one of my cases." Seeing the grimace on her face he amended. "I'm sorry to sound so brutal and heartless, I'm sure you can understand, you have been responsible for your people, and most of the time it's not fun."

"I do understand your position and I'd be happy to explain, only I'm not sure myself what happened."

His eyebrows rose suspiciously. "I don't want details, but enough to know that I don't have to respond for something I know nothing about, that would be a problem."

"I know that." she nodded sternly. "Did Jane show you the card Red John gave him?" her boss nodded. "Well I didn't know about it until a few days ago. Jane knew, obviously, and pursued his own personal line of investigation, which led to someone Red John used to, um, uh… achieve his goal," she cleared her throat uneasily, it sounded so wrong and twisted that her newfound positivity was taking a big hit. "he'd hypnotized her and she gave Jane something for me, a toy that was Jane's daughter's, a lamb, inside there was another card with the poem and a little note, where he said to take care of me, signed with a smiley face."

Abbott nodded. "That clears things up a bit, it would seem."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So how is it going to be?" he asked, he had the natural ability to ask questions keeping his tone flat, but comforting. "How are you feeling about it?"

"I'm okay. It's a process, but someone once told me babies work magic, they can make anything better." She shrugged smiling mostly to herself and the memory.

"You look…" he carefully looked for the right word, his wife taught him it was always better to sugar coat it when telling a woman she didn't look good. "happier. You truly believe that?"

Lisbon nodded smiling. "I can only hope, but I am happier."

"Is there going to be a problem between you and Jane now that the cat's out of the bag?"

She was completely and utterly dumbfounded. Their fight had happened after hours and as far as she could tell nobody had been there to witness anything apart from Cho. "What do you mean?"

"Well you are pregnant with the baby of the man that killed his family, there is no way he'd be okay with that."

She shook her head, but was not able to look into his eyes. His blunt comment made her angry, but it also made her face a fact she'd tried to avoid thinking of at all costs. At the moment she was furious with Jane, for withholding information from her when she'd expressly asked him to tell her, not that it'd ever made a difference, but she'd hoped that this time since it concerned her personally he'd make an effort; she was mad because he'd gotten Cho to go behind her back too, she knew the man he'd do anything Jane could convince him to do and Jane could sell water to sharks. "It might not be." She said in a small voice trying desperately trying to convince herself that there was indeed a big enough chance that that'd be true.

Abbott pursed his lips and nodded, looking skeptical. "You are right, but you've been a cop a long time and you have investigated Red John for a long time and, most of all you have known Jane a long time, personally I think you're the one who really knows him, so, Teresa, tell me what kind of problem I am going to have on my hands."

It suddenly clicked. Like a missing puzzle piece her eyes widened and nearly gasped at the realization. Red John being the baby's father was the obvious idea, one she'd stubbornly pushed away, finding solace in denial, no matter what he was dead and had no bearing on her baby. The fact that Abbott had explicitly asked about it was proof enough that everyone else must have thought of it, mainly Jane.

His last comment had hurt life a knife slicing through her and, even though it was what had made her realize just how much she cared about her little one, it was the reason she still hadn't picked up the phone to talk to him. Seeing Charlotte's plushy lamb, his brain stashing in all the information and connecting it in record time, must have been devastating and to add to that he had to deal with the fact that getting her pregnant had been his plan all along and, witnessing in the past weeks just how hard it was being on her, it was working too. Facing his daughter's toy, one her killer had taken as a souvenir the night he'd killed her, and knowing his best friend was going to have what could very possibly be his baby had to have been too much for the king of self-control and he'd eventually snapped. On a later note, she realized, her insisting it was his fault, that he should feel guilty, hadn't helped matters.

"Teresa?"

"All I can say for sure is that I will remain professional and keep my life outside of work as much as I can." A hand unconsciously wrapping around her belly. "You should ask him that question, though, I can't vouch for him."

He nodded briefly and sat back into his chair. "See the problem with that is he hasn't been in the office since last Friday when he came back from his little trip. He hasn't called or answered any calls and from the look on your face I'd say he didn't tell you or call you."

"Sir, I don't know-"

Abbott waved his hand in front of her stopping her. "I believe you don't know, but it's not out of character for him to just disappear." She nodded, boy did she know about that. "I have the feeling whatever reason he has for disappearing has to do with you or your pregnancy, so what I am asking is that you solve whatever issues you have between you two, I don't want you to get married, I just want my agents to be able to work with each other without a single problem, is that clear?"

"It is. I'll do my best to make sure what's between us will not influence our work performance." She nodded.

He smiled brightly and sat up straighter clapping his hands. "Onto lighter topics, as your supervising agents I have to set the terms of the extent of your duty, as I'm responsible for you, I have been trusting you to do as much as you feel comfortable doing, but I'd like to hear what you think about desk duty and maternity leave."

The deer caught in the headlights look on her face suggested she hadn't spent time thinking about any of that. "Honestly I don't know. I am fully capable of doing my job as of right now, I haven't taken part in any busts or take downs, I'd like to work as long and as much as I can."

"Fair enough. Don't make me regret trusting you with this, your situation is… different, but I won't tolerate it if you find yourself in harm's way when it could have been avoided. That being said if you aren't feeling up to work I won't think of you as less than an agent for taking a day to recuperate, I know women in law enforcement like to play tough, but I'd rather have you resting at home than at the hospital because you're overworked."

"Understood," she nodded firmly. "I won't hesitate to back down if it gets to be too much."

Lisbon left Abbott's office with mixed feelings. She felt a wave of emotions, a familiar one, where a thousand feelings, thoughts and worries all mixed together, no matter how many times she'd already gone through it, every time Jane disappeared she couldn't help but feel like this. To add up there was the fact that, despite her anger, she felt guilty, she had overreacted and made him feel even worse than he already was, which at the moment had made her feel better, her hormones were taking down all of her inhibitions and filters, so now she found herself saying whatever she thought before she had a chance to bite her tongue, but now it made her feel like a horrible person. Her feet carried her as fast as she could go and, bypassing her desk, she went to Cho, whose stoic look was tainted by something she couldn't quite make out, which turned into a mix of surprise, guilt and fear the moment he realized she was going towards him.

She sat down on the chair facing him, he was about to speak, but she was quicker. "I wanted to apologize for snapping at you."

"You have no reason to and I'm sorry too."

Lisbon tilted her head and frowned. "For what? Going along Jane's plans? Going behind my back? You feel sorry for me? Sorry that Jane finally managed to screw me over and not in the good sense?"

If she hadn't said it all with a smile and a hint of irony in her voice Cho's face would have shown signs of distress. "Pretty much, although I don't feel sorry for you and Jane didn't screw you over or anything."

"Maybe not directly, but still."

"No," he said emotionlessly. "if you are thinking that being close to him put you in this position then you share an equal part of the blame. You are right, it's messed up and neither of you is handling it well, but it's Red John we are talking about."

She narrowed her eyes menacingly, the conversation was going a totally different way than what she'd imagined. "So you are saying that by caring for him I am to blame in this?"

"Yes, in theory. Then again we are talking about a serial killer so it doesn't necessarily follow our logic, but it makes perfect sense."

"How so?"

He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Red John's plan was to keep torturing Jane after he died and we know he still feels so guilty about what happened to his family that the mere presence or mention of the man hurts him. A baby is the perfect way to ensure a constant reminder of himself and making it your baby would hurt him even more for a million reasons."

"Like what?"

Cho raised an eyebrow, he looked like she'd just told him she'd forgotten her name. "Jane was your best friend." She nodded unsure where he was going with that. "You two were very close, you have been very close for years." She nodded again, though she was starting to get impatient. "If I wanted to hurt Jane I know kidnapping him, physically inflicting pain on him or killing him wouldn't work. You are Jane's Achille's heel. The old team was, but why not go the distance when you can."

"So he did this to me to make Jane feel bad."

He took a big, deep breath, she didn't want to listen. "Yes. I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are some unresolved feelings between the two of you and after Red John died you both chickened out, or at least you did. So one might think that when Timothy Carter passed on Red John's message to Jane to move on, find a woman and have a new family, Jane was thinking about you and when he finally died was the right time-"

"Stop. There are no unresolved feelings, not the ones you are talking about anyway. Jane doesn't think of me that way." Her brain registered a moment too late the implication of what she'd just said.

Cho didn't let her stop him though. "Regardless, not counting that you were a safe bet with a baby. There was no way you'd get an abortion even knowing it was Red John's doing."

"I did think about it."

"But you didn't and you are going to keep it. Jane _will_ have to spend the rest of his life with a reminder of Red John right in front of him."

Lisbon grimaced. "I wouldn't be so sure. You were there, you saw what happened, never in ten years we've fought like that, I don't know if it can be back to normal."

"It will. I don't know exactly what happened, but you don't stay away from each other for long."

"Will you stop talking about me and Jane like we are, I don't know, together, ugh." She scoffed.

He rolled his eyes ignoring her. "You wanna bet?"

"I don't bet if I can't win."

"So you are basically admitting that I'm right."

She snorted, but then smiled and looked at her lap, not wanting him to see the look in her eyes when she thought about the possibility her and Jane could mend things. "You know you are. By the way we don't know for sure that he's the father."

"I agree."

"You do?" the surprise in her voice betrayed her belief that that was a nice little lie she'd been telling herself. "Really?"

"Sure, until we have concrete proof of that I think there's reasonable doubt." He shrugged. "Still, though, I'm sorry I went along and did things behind your back, I'd hate it if anyone were to do it to me."

Lisbon smiled, glad for the change of subject. "I've had a few days to think everything over and I understand you thought it was for the best. You are off the hook."

"And Jane?"

She offered a lopsided smile. "On those counts it goes for both of you, but he said something else and I'm not sure I can forgive him for. I would have loved to talk to him after we had a chance to cool off, but Abbott told me he's gone AWOL."

"Yeah, but he'll be back. How are you feeling by the way? Jane mentioned you weren't doing so great."

"I'm better now." she smiled for emphasis. "Between pulling my hair, morning sickness, stressing, not sleeping and feeling exhausted, breaking up with my boyfriend, not being able to eat it was just a constant… I guess I needed a break."

"That's good."

"Very. I'm not exhausted anymore and sometimes I'm even hungry. Speaking of which Kim is coming over for dinner in a couple of days if we don't get a case, why don't you come too? If you don't have anything better to do, I mean."

If her invitation surprised him, he didn't let it show. "Sure, I'll bring beer."

"Funny." She stood and headed to her own desk to work, she had a lot to catch up.

The idea of hosting dinner had somewhat scared Lisbon at first, but the other woman had assured her she didn't care much for formalities and was perfectly content with food, a table and a chair, she'd offered to even make dessert. Fighting with Jane, getting a lot of things off her chest and finally getting the confirmation she needed regarding her pregnancy had been a cathartic moment for her, maybe not right then and there, but during her weekend-long meditation she'd come to the conclusion that she had absolutely no control over any of that and therefore should just make the most of it, or that was what she'd told James when the talent scout had come to his football game in high school. Nevertheless the mere thought that she shouldn't have had the baby had strengthened, if not formed, an even deeper bond with it, so much that she'd found herself looking at her guest bedroom on Sunday trying to figure out where she should put the crib. While Cho had given her space, Fischer had called a couple of times, unlike Cho she didn't know what'd happened so Lisbon had brought her up to speed on the latest events, not including too many details, but the woman had been there for her, she'd even tried to help her by reopening the case. Despite her early worries Kim had turned out to be a lot like her in some ways, especially pregnancy and babies and, although it was for very different reasons, it was enough to bond. They were both lonely and, much like it happened with Jane at first, they had just found someone to share their loneliness with.

When the doorbell rang she was incredibly pleased to see that Cho had indeed brought beer, but came bearing a week long supply of ice cream. "I love you."

"Thought it might distract you from the beer." He shrugged.

She took both items putting the ice cream in the freezer taking extra care with it, before putting a couple of bottles in the remaining space and the rest of the six pack in the fridge above. There was an awkward moment of silence, she figured Cho was still feeling a little upset about how things had turned out and she wasn't totally comfortable discussing everything that had built up to the fight, she'd rather keep it between her and Jane. "You know you don't have to walk on eggshells around me. I'm truly okay, it's not ideal, but I'm good."

He nodded acknowledging her, but couldn't look up at her. He had so much respect for her it was eating at him, seeing her face that night when she left the Airstream was something he'd never wished to see, sure ever since she'd got pregnant he'd seen her cry, but that was so much different.

"Hey," she used her really soft voice, the one usually reserved for kids and dogs. "you have any idea how many times me and Jane kept something from you and the team? I'm not mad, I'm not holding it against you. What happened with me and Jane was another matter, trust me I know how persuasive Jane can be and I'm not mad about that, I know it's his nature to do things his way, I know he does it with the best intentions."

"I know, but I can't help it."

Lisbon smiled hoping it would put him at ease. "Don't worry, think of all the times I had you drive for hours in a car with Rigsby." When she saw the corners of his lips turn up and his eye roll she swiftly put her hand up. "Hold onto that feeling and you'll be fine, besides I'm going to need help put furniture together in a few months, you better be around."

"Right. I'll get that." he offered hearing the doorbell ring.

When Fischer walked in she was looking around Lisbon's little place, her eyes sparkling at every turn. "I love this house! You've got such big windows and, and look at the back yard… it's incredible."

"Uh, thanks, I guess." She was not expecting that. "It was the best I could find so close to the office, but yes it's quite nice."

Fischer was looking around when her eyes stopped on Lisbon, who was wearing a stretchy top that really did nothing to hide her ever rounding stomach. "God, you look so…"

Following her colleague's eyes she brought a hand up to her belly, instinctively more than anything. "Fat?"

"No, no you look pregnant." The look Cho gave her had Lisbon laughing, Rigsby had usually been the one on the receiving end of that look. "Well more pregnant than uh, you… did?"

Rubbing her hand tenderly over the little bulge Lisbon let herself turn all soft and mushy. "You really think?"

"Well yeah sure, compared to two weeks ago I can see a definite difference." She smiled while Cho suddenly felt as if he'd been thrown violently out of his comfort zone, so he took that as his cue to refuse all offers to set the table and do it himself, while the ladies finished cooking and most importantly exhaustively talked about all the topics he had no intention to revisit with them, he cared about the boss, Lisbon, but some things he really didn't need to know. Fischer was still a little unsure about how Lisbon was dealing with everything, she did know she'd gotten the shortened version of the facts, so she'd decided to be cautious and try to avoid saying the wrong thing. "That's good, right?"

Lisbon's lips pursed and her whole face glowed for a moment. "Yes, it is. It's very good." Her smile faded a little. "The baby is small, too small. My doctor thinks it's because I didn't take good care of myself early on, so I'm more than happy to gain a few pounds to make sure it's doing better."

"So we are happy about it now?"

Lisbon tipped her head willing her watery eyes to dry before any of her tears could spill down her cheeks. "Yes, we are. Let's go feed Cho."

Jane didn't show up into the office until the end of the week when someone noticed the Airstream back in the parking garage. It was Monday when he actually went back to work, much like Lisbon a week before, he'd been dragged to Abbott's office to be grilled profusely about vanishing. He'd been feeling anxious about coming back into work, he felt extremely guilty for what Lisbon was going through, he felt guilty for what he'd told her, he felt guilty for leaving now that she needed the support. That being said he was too much a coward to face her, when he saw her he didn't even return her tentative smile and ignored her presence right in front of him the whole day. Not only he tried to avoid talking to her, but he also pretended not to listen to what she was saying when they were working. She'd been right, it was all his fault and he only knew one way to make sure she didn't get hurt any more than this. Let her go, leave her alone. That would work, she would move on without having to stare at him every day.

Cho had confronted him, hoping to relieve some of the tension, without pressuring Jane to tell him anything he didn't want to, he wasn't stupid and Lisbon had told him he'd said something bad, he didn't know just how bad. "You are letting him win again."

"Excuse me?" Jane's indignant tone did not affect the agent in the slightest, he was angry because his little secret hideout on the roof wasn't so secret anymore.

"You heard me?"

"What are you talking about?"

Cho's eyebrows rose skeptically. "You really need me to spell it out, do you?" when Jane gave no signs of an answer he took it upon himself to say what had been hanging in the air for the past week or so. "He knew it would hurt you. He knew it would hurt you and you'd feel guilty, because Lisbon would do the right thing and keep the baby, no matter how she felt about it because it's the right thing to do. He designed this to make sure she'd be just as vulnerable and unfocused as you are when he's involved so you'd be perfect targets for this game, he knew this would happen."

"Meh."

Cho shrugged his shoulders. "I think he was counting on the chance that she'd get mad at you, sure you could have both just accepted the baby as it was and be happy about it, but he was smart and he was right, most importantly." He paused, he didn't want Jane to burst, he didn't want to kick him when he was already down, what he'd intended with his speech was to give him a clearer view of the facts, after all he wasn't as involved as he and Lisbon were. "Red John knew just how much she mattered to you, how much you cared about her and that made her the perfect target, seeing someone you love having your archenemy's child is bound to ruffle some feathers and while it could have brought you together it went just as planned and the two of you clashed. His goal was exactly what you have going on, he wanted to push you down this downward spiral of self-loathing, guilt and selfishness that almost swallowed you whole the first time."

Jane hadn't looked up once, but hadn't interrupted. He knew Cho and therefore knew he was looking out for Lisbon, maybe for him too. He was right, but things couldn't change just because someone said so. Lisbon wasn't going to forgive him just because it would mean Red John was getting his wish. "It sounds so easy when you say it like that."

"But it isn't and you are the only ones that can make the difference. Talk to her, mend things, she needs you more than the rest of us and he's gone, don't grant him the chance to be here anymore."

Jane smiled, shaking his head. Well he _was_ right. "The thing is, she is going to have this baby and I found that no matter how much I care about Lisbon, I can't… I-I can't think about that baby, every time I'd look at him or her the only things I'd see is Red John and Charlotte's body."

"That's what Red John wants, but it's also her baby and more importantly we don't even know for sure it's his. It could be anyone's baby for all we know."

Jane nodded almost imperceptibly. "You really believe that? It's kind of obvious it is his child. Who'd be the father then? He's not one to ever leave anything to chance."

"You."

"No." he stood abruptly and took a couple of steps away from Cho. "No, absolutely not."

Cho shrugged. "It would make sense, but have it your way. Do me a favor, though, do your job. You are making it harder for everyone around and you are making things harder for Lisbon." That being said he left Jane to meditate over what he'd just said.

The tension grew exponentially every single day. Lisbon was becoming more and more frustrated with Jane and keeping all of her apologies and regrets, all the things she wanted to tell him was only making matters worse. Obviously the gloomy air between his couch and her desk was spreading in the bullpen affecting Cho, Wylie and eventually Fischer. Abbott was having problems handing out assignments as neither Jane nor Lisbon seemed to be able to work with each other and it Jane was having trouble working with everyone lately. He'd become withdrawn and uncharacteristically silent, his brilliant crime-solving ideas were scarce at best and he got beat up by suspects twice in four days. On her part Lisbon had tried to talk to him, but h would offer her a small smile and walk away without saying another word. Abbott and Fischer had tried talking to both separately, but without noticeable results. It was getting to the point that it had become a problem for all intents and purposes, it was exactly was Abbott had feared when he'd discovered the latest developments in the lives of the new additions to his team. Not sure how to handle it he'd sat down with Fischer in his office to deliberate on a possible solution to the problem, finding it harder than he'd expected, whatever happened between Jane and Lisbon was affecting their work and that of the rest of the team, hence it needed a solution asap. He was hoping for something a bit more long lasting, but at the moment, with three open cases pending, what he opted for was a temporary band aid, planning a more thorough investigation.

It was lunch break and as usual lately Lisbon and Fischer disappeared, Jane too, although he was most likely cooped up in his mobile home, it would have been a great moment to find a new attic; Cho was the only one left in the bullpen. He heard a phone buzz somewhere and soon realized it was Lisbon's, she'd left it there, two seconds after it was his own, it was Rigsby calling him.

Lisbon walked back into the bullpen with Fischer going straight for her phone and as soon as she checked her messages her face softened. "Cho." She called, her voice was so full of emotion she felt like crying.

"Yeah Rigsby called, it's a girl, Maddie." He smiled despite himself. "She looks as bad as Ben did, at least now we know she'll improve."

Lisbon was looking at the picture of the newborn and she felt like never before. She'd seen loads of newborns, all her nieces and nephews, Ben and few more, but she'd never ever felt this kind of… softness. "Oh, shut it. She's so beautiful."

She was able to feel his presence standing behind her before he even spoke. He stood about two feet behind her peeking at her phone to see the picture. Her head and her body were screaming at her to turn around, to face him, to say something even if it was about the Rigsby baby and not them, but she couldn't. Lisbon was frozen, completely unable to move, enjoying having him so close while she was terrified that if she did anything to acknowledge his presence he would go back to his couch. "She is, luckily she looks like Grace."

"Yeah you're right." She added timidly.

Cho's brows furrowed while he squinted at the photo. "Nah I still don't see it."

Lisbon swirled her chair around so she could see Jane and Cho at the same time. "Oh come on. She even has red hair, she's going to be so pretty."

"Maybe." He conceded eventually, still firm on his conviction that newborns looked like naked mole-rats.

"You'll see it." Jane mused, his voice wistful and sad. He was talking to Cho, but his eyes never left Lisbon for a second. "When you hold your child in your arms the first time, it'll look like the most beautiful baby you have ever seen, even though he or she will look just like the other wrinkly, red newborns."

"Anyway, Rigsby called and told me they are all stopping by to visit after Thanksgiving next week, just so you know." he nodded at Lisbon, who groaned.

"Wait next week? Why would they travel with a baby so small?"

Cho chuckled. "They are in Iowa, were going to spend the week with Van Pelt's family and now they are driving back."

Lisbon started feeling suddenly very uneasy, luckily they were interrupted by Abbott walking into the bullpen, Fischer walked out of her office, Wylie coming from around the corner. "Gather up people. Now, who does have plans for Thanksgiving that don't include coming to work or eat a turkey sandwich at home alone?"

Wylie held his hand up, Abbott quirked an eyebrow. "I'm going to visit my parents, sir, if that's okay."

"Of course, anyone else?" the stunned faces of the other agents stared back at him, but nobody spoke. "Well perfect then. You are all, minus Agent Wylie, going to spend Thanksgiving together, at my cabin."

The uproar that particular statement caused had the denied time off protests blushing. "But boss-"

"It's not an order… consider it a personal invitation with professional repercussions. I neglected the changes happening in here and this is a great opportunity to get to know one another and settle eventual differences. No excuses, it's settled then." He walked away feeling particularly chipper.

Bitching and moaning followed his exit. It wasn't like anyone had anything better to do, but surely they weren't going to be looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with their boss and colleagues, especially with all the recent drama, it was the last place they, particularly Jane and Lisbon wanted to be.


End file.
